I’m definitely not proud of it. It fills me with shame when I think about it actually.
It doesn’t happen often. I do make a conscious effort not to raise my voice to my daughter (or anyone for that matter).
However, when a parent makes a conscious choice not to yell at a child, the situations that might bring it about don’t disappear all of a sudden.
For me, the feeling normally happens when we’re in the car and my 3 year old is crying about something I have no control over at the moment. In general, when my daughter is in distress I am able to embrace her and talk to her eye to eye. In the car, it’s not something I am capable of.
There’s no magic solution, but you are able to substantially reduce the risk once you consciously make the decision to pursue an alternative response to your anger or feelings.
The times I have yelled or screamed at my child has taught me exactly why I try never to do it again in the future.
Here are 7 reasons I’ve learned not to yell at kids:
It Doesn’t Change Behavior
I’m not sure if you’ve notice this, but I sure have. If I do happen to lose it– it never changes my child’s behavior. I would have to admit, it only exacerbates the situation…which only leads to even more frustration! Ahhhhhh!
Relief is Only Temporary
Yelling or screaming only work in that moment (if you manage to make it work at all). Just like a bully, it is used to intimidate those into compliance – most likely making children feel anxious, worried and scared.
It Weakens Your Influence
Yelling may actually cause your child to become more disruptive… It can drive a wedge in your relationship – making your child feel embarrassed, ashamed, and confused that the person who loves him/her the most is acting in such an unloving way towards them.
It Presents You as a Terrible Role Model
Hello! Children model behavior, it’s probably one of the best things they do. If your child frequently acts in ways that you can’t stand – there’s a good chance the person to blame is YOU!
Yelling only perpetuates the cycle.
It is Graceless
Can you imagine what you look and sound like when you’re yelling at your kids.
I bet it ain’t-none-too prutty.
Take a deep breath and don’t react. Instead, act with meaningful intention.
Yelling is an expression of frustration – taking a child’s behavior personally. Not only is it stressful to you, but stressful for your kids. It’s bad for your health!
They Tune You Out
When you are yelling all of the time, children will learn only to listen to you when your voice is raised. In other words, a child will learn that unless you’re shouting, you must not really mean it. Before you know it, you’re voice will be gone!!
The Parenting Passageway – Gentle Discipline
Confessions of a High Heel Wearing Hippie Mommy – On Spanking
Little Hearts/Gentle Parenting Resources
The Parenting Vortex – Gentle Discipline 101
Authentic Parenting – Eleven Steps for Healing and Restoring Peace After Being Harsh With Your Child
Novel Mama – Golden Rule Parenting