Witness to Normal Birth

It was about the best thing I ever experienced.

The minute she came out, I was born again. It was like we’d just been born together.



paper dolls photography



If you are privileged enough to have witnessed a woman giving birth naturally in a place she has chosen, what will you have seen?

You will first be in awe of her strength.

 

And you will think – for how could you not – what a phenomenal creature a woman is. But you will only have seen this astonishing sight if you have understood that if you disturb her in her work, she will be thrown off course. One must sit quietly and patiently, almost invisible, breathing with her, not disturbing her internal rhythm. And you will see that the pain of her labor seldom overwhelms her.

A deep significance to the mother, the momentous quality of pain, as she is surrounded by the deep sense of inwardness, forced to recognize her independence, her loneliness, selfhood, becoming conscious of her own existence. Paradoxically, this actual self-consciousness exposes a woman to her wholeness, her strengths and her endurance.

Nature would not have organized labor to be intolerable. It is the limits of our human understanding that wish to control all that is surveyed, that has conquered women by making them labor in the most tortuous environment constructed.

Let us bring them into harsh rooms with bright lights. Let us make them lie on their backs on hard narrow beds. Let us tether them to machines so they cannot move. Let us make them stay silent. Let us restriction their eating and drinking. Let us expose their most private parts and threaten them with cold steel. Let us make them push their babies upwards, against the pull of gravity. Let us monitor and measure and chart every move they make. Let us swab, wipe, prod, poke, irate, confuse and frighten them as much as we can.

In these conditions, labor swiftly becomes unbearable and pain relief becomes a woman’s only hope. Get me an epidural, cut it out of me, anything, make it stop. Please help me!

This is not the natural cry of a woman in labor bringing a child into the world, although if you have only ever witnessed labor and birth in a medicalized setting you might be inclined to think so. Her only hope for salvation lies in the anesthetist who numbs the pain or the obstetrician to remove it.

And a woman spoke, saying, Tell us of Pain.

And he said: Your pain is the breaking of the

shell that encloses your understanding.

Even as the stone of the fruit must break, that

it’s heart may stand in the sun

so must you know pain.

- Gibran

Altered passage and excerpts can be found in:

Normal Childbirth: Evidence and Debate. Chapter: The Role of Pain in Normal Birth and the Empowerment of Women (Nicky Leap and Tricia Anderson). Pages 25-39. 2004. http://readinglists.lib.monash.edu/items/5BB0FE73-9C52-D121-1760-8D2D7F4AACC9.html

Viewing the Difficult as Your Advantage

I receive daily emails from Jeff Kober at Vedic Meditation.

They are all very valuable and applicable to my life, however – the one I received yesterday seemed to speak more loudly.

Around me, I noticed several people struggling more with the difficult things/events in their life.

For them – and those of you dealing with life’s obstacles – this is dedicated to you.

An excerpt from ‘My Eyes So Soft’:

Don't

Surrender

Your loneliness so quickly.

Let it cut more

Deep.

Let it ferment and season you

As few human

Or even divine ingredients can.

Something missing in my heart tonight

Has made my eyes so soft,

My voice so

Tender,

My need of God

Absolutely

Clear.

Hafiz, My Eyes So Soft

Emergency C-section. Baby on ventilator.

Fifteen-year marriage breaking up.

Loved one undergoing extraordinary measures in order to stay alive.

Burying a parent, a grandparent, a lover.

Going home alone. Eating alone. Watching TV alone.

These are things happening in the lives of just a few of the people I know. These experiences and others like them are a given. We all will know death, loss, worry, remorse, loneliness. The facts of our life will at times align to appear frightening and perhaps even hopeless.

This is the nature of the relative world. No matter what is happening, it will change. To seek safety and security here is a guarantee of frustration. It cannot be found but for a moment; for as soon as our idea of perfection is achieved, at that very moment everything begins to move away from that perfection. Whatever that idea of perfection is, it cannot be held. It cannot be frozen. It cannot be kept. For indeed, in the relative world, the only constant is change.

Spiritual masters such as Hafiz show us there is a way to know this truth as our advantage, rather than as a handicap.

Loneliness is not an indication that there is something wrong with me. Loneliness simply tells me that I need to find God. A deeper experience of God. In Vedic terms, I must find what I am, the Self that I am, that is other than my relative world experience. I must find the Self that I am that can allow these relative world things to play themselves out as they may.

The power of the loneliness itself--of the fear, of the sorrow, the sadness, the anxiety--this is the motivation. This is the fuel that can drive me to seek a deeper connectedness and a truer experience of what I am.

When looked at like this, all these challenges in my life suddenly can be seen as opportunities. Can I see the beauty of my sorrow? Can I use this experience of death to appreciate life? Can I find God even in the midst of loss? Can I find a definition of happiness that is large enough to encompass even this depth of sadness?

In the midst of my loneliness, can I feel myself connected to that which is much greater, that which is universal, that which is Totality itself? Can I even imagine how that might feel? In that feeling in my imagination, what happens to this loneliness? How is it transformed?

If consciousness is all that there is, and I can imagine something fully in my own consciousness, does that not make it real?

Today I will imagine that every seeming difficulty is in fact a message from God, from nature, that He/She/It is expecting my call. And so I will call. 

You can sign up for Jeff’s emails here on the left-hand side bar.

A little about Jeff: He has spent the last 30 years studying metaphysics and meditation, traveling extensively in India. In 2007, after a lengthy and intensive period of study, Jeff became a teacher of Vedic meditation, and since has taught from his center in Los Angeles, as well as in Mexico City, Chicago, Montana, Wyoming and regularly in New York.
He has written a daily Vedic Meditation thought for over a year and is currently compiling a 365 Meditation Daily Reader.

21-Day Challenge: Meditation with Deepak

Meditation can be thought of as a technique of training the mind to quiet and focus.

Why should you consider meditation? Well, meditation is scientifically proven to be beneficial to our health. It reduces stress and anxiety while improving memory, sleep quality and problem solving (plus TONS more).

Meditation is special. While prayer helps a person talk to God, meditation allows you to receive the message and purpose.

The great thing is that everyone can meditate, no matter who they are or what religion they practice. I have tried meditation on and off for the last year but never stuck to it.

Now I am taking part in a 21-Day Challenge and I encourage you to join me!

Those who sign up will receive a daily email with a guided meditation – also a message and tips for helping you meditate.

It is totally free and designed for beginners to help develop a meditation ritual.

Click here to sign up and start with me! Also here is the Facebook page to learn more.

“A truth cannot be created, but only perceived.” – Yogananda

Freedom

Acceptance is our key to freedom.

Acceptance of the way things are at any given moment is how we feel joy.

But, you ask, how do we learn to accept terrible things in our life?

Gratitude for the magnificent love in our life that over shadows the awful.

8 Big Spiritual Questions Kids Ask - With Answers

Young children ask a lot of questions and some of them can be tricky to answer. 

Why are we here?    Who created God?

Spirituality seems to come naturally to kids and it’s important to expand their curiosity if you desire your child to have a strong spiritual foundation which can be important in living a happy and purposeful life.

Even if your religion is a clear-cut subject for you (such as Christian, Jewish, Buddhist, etc.), we should think about the spiritual values we want to pass onto our children and be able to explain it in a way they understand.

We don’t have to wait until our children are old enough to ask these questions – we have the opportunity to be an example of our faith and spiritual principles everyday. If you believe God or a Divine influence wants you to be kind to others, then put the effort into being thoughtful and compassionate to everyone.

What better opportunity do we have to teach our children how to treat others?

Below are some spiritual questions kids tend to ask and what my personal response would be. I’m sure our answers will not be identical; however that’s not the point.

At a time when worldwide religious conflict dominates our headlines, it is also important to impart respect for all faiths/beliefs in ourselves and our children.  The way you answer will obviously depend on how you feel about your own spirituality or spirituality in general. 

This post is an attempt to create a spark in your life today to start asking yourself meaningful questions.  There is a benefit to asking ourselves these questions throughout our life. Not only will we be better equipped to answer them when prompted by our children, but we will have a better understanding of our own beliefs about our purpose.  

“We are not human beings on a spiritual journey. We are spiritual beings on a human journey.”

—Stephen Cover, American author

How are babies made?

Before you are born, you are a soul in Heaven. You and God picked out me and papa to be your parents and then you grew in mama's belly for awhile. When you were all done growing, we finally got to meet you and you share your Light with everyone you meet which makes people happy.

Will I die? Where do I go?

Yes my dear, we all die. It doesn't hurt, in fact, it is a beautiful day when it happens. One day mama and papa will go back to Heaven but will we live in your heart until you come to live with us again.

Do people go to Hell?

You never have to fear going to Hell, my Love. Even when people do bad things, they are shown forgiveness and compassion – that is why we are here, to learn to love unconditionally.

Unconditionally means that no matter what someone does, you love and care for them. 

What does God look like? Why can’t I see him?

We are very lucky. We can see God when our eyes are open and even when they closed. Everything you see, the trees, the birds, and even you, are what God looks like.

When you close your eyes, smile and be very still – you can feel God in your heart. In fact, you can feel all the people you love in your heart, that is why it is important to love everyone.

What is a soul?

A soul is what and who we really are. When you are little and grow up like mama and papa your soul stays the same age and never changes. Your body is a costume the soul wears for a little bit so it can come to earth and love others. When the costume needs replaced, your soul will go back to Heaven and you will get to watch all of the kindness you gave to other people.  

Why does my friend believe things differently? Is she wrong?

There are so many ways to love and be nice to others. Your friends are not wrong at all, in fact, it can be fun to learn all of the ways people celebrate caring for others, even strangers or people that aren’t nice to us all the time.

Will all my friends go to heaven?

Yes, every single one of them…and even the people you are not friends with! 

Why do people do bad things?

People sometimes do bad things, but that does not make them bad people. When you think you see someone doing something bad, it’s usually because they are scared and need someone to love them. That is why it is so important to smile and love everyone – you have the strength inside you to make the world a better home until you go back to Heaven.

Although I was raised Catholic, I no longer label or limit myself as Christian. I celebrate all religions and beliefs that center around Divine love and unity. A quote concerning this specifically comes to mind from Wayne Dyer, “I don't think that Jesus was teaching Christianity, Jesus was teaching kindness, love, concern, and peace. What I tell people is don't be Christian, be Christ-like. Don't be Buddhist, be Buddha-like.” This is how I choose to live my life.

Imprisoned by Anxiety. Liberated by Faith

Regina Lafay: Anxiety

A few days ago, on my way home from a great day at work, it seemed I hit all of the green lights – then a song came on the radio that I’ve been waiting to hear all week. The sky was clear, the sun was shining and it was warm enough to roll my window down and enjoy the warm fresh air.

Ever have those moments when your life seems so full, you’ll just explode if something else good comes your way? (Ok, maybe not explode, but you catch yourself smiling at everyone around you and you start conversations up with strangers in line at the grocery store.)

I have to say this hasn’t always been the case. I remember when I was little I had this feeling I wasn’t able to explain. The only way I was able to think of it for myself at that age was the feeling of not being home, of unease. There was a period in my life when anxiety started to manipulated my life and the happy moments were very few. I wanted to share my experience of over coming it. Though, this may be misleading, since anxiety is there at times – the way I perceive and use anxiety has changed …. Read on –

Combat Zone

Worrying, obsessive thinking – distressing about anything and everything seems a perfect way to describe my life about 5 years ago. I would lay awake at night worrying about my job, my life- unable to sleep.

Ultimately this led to panic attacks. I’ll never forget my first attack, it happened in the car on a way to a friend’s wedding. What a mess. I couldn’t breathe, I felt claustrophobic – trapped in a tiny metal box, crying.

I was completed burdened and drained by these thoughts and attacks. I was utterly consumed and I had no room for positive thinking, inspiration for growth or ambition for new life experiences.

I eventually went to the doctor only to become a zombie on the medication I was given. My husband eventually threw out the drugs and told me that I had transformed into a shell of a person.

Which was better? A battlefield or a shell.

You Call It God

Interesting how one moment of your life can change the course of everything and everyone around you.

Though I went to catholic schools my entire life, I was a self-proclaimed atheist by the time I was 19. During my time spent in college, my favorite classes where those about organized religions and how they support the masses. I lived my life with little thought about God and I was pretty vocal about despising those annual holidays that seemed to conformed with commercialism and capitalism.

Until one little nothing-of-a-night when I planted a small seed in my mind. The catalyst was actually a question that I never realized had the potential that would change my life forever.

“What makes us different from each other?"

The question ended up developing into months of research; I literally had a notebook filled with writings of the information I came across. Eventually, I had to get down to the very tiniest of all things knowable – quantum physics and Advaita Vedanta philosophy – to attempt to see what makes me and my soul different then anyone else’s. 

Oddly enough – I ended up having to change my question entirely.

“What makes us the same?”

With this slight change, everything was clear.

I recognized everything I experience is Divine, that are true self is God- in essence, we create everything we experience.

Transformation In Thinking

So how exactly did this affect my anxiety? Three words – Change in Thinking. Once I accepted this completely in my life – that everything I experience is Divine (or God if you will), it literally transformed the way I experienced everything in my life.

I guess some people use the word enlightened – though, that is a powerful word. I am by no means stating I am enlightened or have been enlightened, but it seems like the closest word that the English language provides. A complete paradigm shift – everything changed.

Instead of thinking about how badly I hate my life, how sad I was with my body, mourning that I had this terrible my anxiety – I thought about how full of opportunity every day is. I thought about how much control I possessed in my life since I was the one creating it.

I breath differently now. My self-worth is on another level. I listen to the thoughts in my mind as if they are just a generic monologue; thoughts that are only thoughts. My thoughts are not who I am. I was transformed into the person I had always been, but only lost sight of.

Unique Paths

This was just a part of the path I have taken in my life. Each one of us is so utterly unique and beautiful.

When I see other people, I see a lesson, a purpose.

It isn’t some odd fluke that these particular people are in your life – you put them there.

It isn’t some odd fluke that these events are happening in your life - you put them there.

Words From The Heart

Here is a compilation of poems I have written over the last year. Most of which I have posted in the past-I explain them briefly as well.

Here is a poem about my experience in holding my baby excessively, spoiling her tons, and making others pissed off because I wouldn’t let them hold her – i.e. new mommy syndrome. People would tell me to put her down if she was sleeping and I would never listen to their silly advice. I enjoyed holding her every moment I could, especially when she was sleeping….

In My Arms

Slumber softly…

Your eyes are closed,

But I can still see your world

Even more so.

Your soul drifts to play in another realm,

While I hold on close and tight.

Your warmth imparts a tranquil feeling,

I feel your breath and learn everything this universe has to offer.

A feeling so full,

Every part of my being is joyous.

The harmony starts and seems overwhelming as if I was in front of a firing range,

One shot after another,

Exterminating all hate and pain from the heart.

Sleeping so softy,

Unknowingly releasing the strongest of all storms upon me,

One that leaves only beauty and joy in its wake.

No longer present,

there is only Love which encapsulates this moment.

Then a smile,

She has journeyed back from her peaceful world,

In my arms.

We all have experiences with people in our lives that are critical, harsh and judgmental. This poem, I wrote nearly a year ago, still holds a strong place in my heart. I wanted to write about how the act of condemnation only truly harms the person holding onto such conviction – and freedom and love should still be given unconditionally.

I always try and remember how I would want my daughters to act – even in the case of someone acting cruel towards them; I would want them to be a beacon of light …. Never letting that darkness shadow over them.  

Loved, Infinitely

The frosty smack of condemnation is upon your breath
like the bitter wind blowing at the end of days.
With it comes the absence of faith for your brothers and sisters.

Harboring love and disgust in the same soul,
What a feat, the impossible!
See your brother with conviction,
You shall glimpse the same within yourself.

Treat your brother with fault,
You shall guard yourself with blame.

Judgment blinds the eyes
an arduous canopy of shade.
A zealous thug to all human kind.

Graceful, letting the grasp of ruling loosen
like a slithering snake retreating from its predator.
Blessed with one more day to endure.

Renegade from the sinister eclipse
do not fear to love.
For you are loved, infinitely.



I wrote these two poems when I was dealing with fear. I now make it a genuine habit to make choices not in fear, but in trust, faith and love.

Shine

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure!

It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, “Who am I to be: brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?”
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are of the Divine.
Your playing small does not serve the world.

There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine,
as children do.

We were born to make manifest the Ultimate.
It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.

Birthright: Trust

Fear keeps one from living

living the life we were meant to live.

There’s nothing more important,

seeing this truth.

The degree to which we trust life

is the degree to which we can be happy

be at peace.

None of us are in this Life alone.

Children with natural beliefs, a world full of support. 

Racing downhill on bikes,

no hands.

Hurling on fast sleds,

without a thought. 

Climbing trees,

swinging with one hand

from the highest branches. 

Taking risks,

stretching  limits,

jumping boldly from a high dive.

What happens to this trust,

this confidence,

our certainty in life?

Adults may say they trust in life,

But they cannot recall last time they were consumed completely

with trust in everyday events in life

The ribbon of life is dynamic, a fluid process.

Every day we experience events that are not planned.

We have the ulitimate power to declare

defeat or victory;

trust that every event is there for a reason.

I am an extremely spiritual person. I have not always been, and I don’t regret that – I only embrace it. It allowed me to grow significantly as a mother, a wife, a friend. This poem is about faith as I understand it. Complete surrender, transitioning from resistance in life to full acceptance.

Let It Be

Even within the seemingly most unacceptable, painful situations

concealed is a deeper good.

Within every disaster

contained is a seed of grace.

Surrender.

Give up trying to understand

welcome the easy of not knowing.

Surrender,

the inner transition from resistance to acceptance,

from “no” to “yes”.

Whatever you accept completely

 will take you to peace.

Leave Life alone.

Let it be.

These next three poems I did not write, but they are some of my all time favorites and they inspire me. I hope they inspire you as well…

Reach for the Sun

It's not only children who grow.
Parents do too.
As much as we watch to see what our children
do with their lives, they are watching us to see
what we do with ours.
I can't tell my children to reach for the sun.
All I can do is reach for it, myself.

-Joyce Maynard

Outwitted

He drew a circle that shut me out,

heretic, rebel, a thing to flout.

But Love and I had the wit to win,

We drew a circle that took him in.

-Edwin Markham

Your Children are Not Your Children

Your children are not your children.

They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.

They come through you but not from you,

And though they are with you, they do not belong to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,

For they have their own thoughts.

You may house their bodies but not their souls,

For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.

For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday. You are the bow from which your children as livings arrows are sent forth.

The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,

And He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.

Let your bending in the archer’s hands be for gladness;

For even He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.

-The Prophet 1951