A Moth to the Flame - Blinded by the Light

This space has been shaped and transformed by each reader that has touched my life.

In the last 6 years writing and researching, I have yet to clarify the title, Blinded by the Light.

So with that, here is a restricted piece of me, shared and exposed to you.

The Light

The parable of the Moth

 

It is not yet fully understood why moths are attracted to artificial light sources, but there is no denying that moths will float and cluster to a light source without delay once it is presented to them.

 

As a caterpillar, a moth will spend the majority its life devouring it’s sustaining source of life - foliage and leaves.

 

Considered an invasive insect, the caterpillar will eventually shed it’s skin for the last time revealing it’s chrysalis. While inside, the body will break down into imaginal cells which will re-place themselves back into a new shape.

 

When the moth is ready to emerge, the body will work at pulling itself through a small hole, each early attempt will result in failure – progressing ever so slowly, basically unperceivable.

 

Yet, in this delicate state -  if the moth is assisted in any way, you will find the moth to be so badly deformed that it cannot fly and will eventually die shortly after.

 

As we see, this struggle shapes the moth – giving form to the body, forcing the fluid into the wings.

 

It has been theorized that, in fact, moths are not attracted to the artificial light itself. Rather, the moths (like all sighted creatures) see a ‘Mach band’ which is the region surrounding a bright light source that appears darker than the surrounding environment with the aspiration of seeking refuge from predators of the night.

 
Oblivious and unaware to their actual reality, the moth is distracted and disoriented by the artificial light. Feeling secure and protected, the moth seeks sanctuary in the illusion of darkness cast by the brightly lit false light.
 

The Lesson

 

Excerpt from Biocentrism (written by Dr. Robert Lanza, the Chief Scientific Officer at Advanced Cell Technology):

“While I was sitting one night with a poet friend watching a great opera performed in a tent under arc lights, the poet took my arm and pointed silently. Far up, blundering out of the night, a huge Cecropia moth swept past from light to light over the posturings of the actors. ‘He doesn’t know,’ my friend whispered excitedly. ‘He’s passing through an alien universe brightly lit but invisible to him. He’s in another play; he doesn’t see us. He doesn’t know. Maybe it’s happening right now to us.”

 

Are we similar to the huge Cecropia moth? Blundering on in the darkness, oblivious to the Light within us and emanating from all things around us?  

 

Like the caterpillar, we are each profoundly blessed with a transformation onto this plane of existence. We struggle, strive – thrive and become stronger through our experience of life. And like the moth, all the while, artificial light beckons us during our journey – promising false security.

 

The genuine Light is within you, within us.

 

We all return to each other in the end…or rather, what our human comprehension recognizes as the end. Your true Home, my true Home.

We carry a piece of our Home within us – I urge you to recognize and honor the Oneness with everyone and everything you experience today.

 

Blinded by the Light - by Amanda Kulick

 

I traded my Home for wings,

I traded my security to fly.

Now I blunder in the in the darkness.

 

Blinded by the light,

all that I witness outside is false.

For the true illuminating Light is within.

 

No need to pursue Truth,

with fragile wings and courageous flight.

The rhythm of my heart bursts with It.

 

Each pulse comforting me:

I left Home,  

but Home never left me.

 

 

 

 

How to be an Asshole Attachment Parent

Being labeled as an asshole often plagues those who find themselves in the Natural Parenting niche.

In the natural/attachment/progressive/whatever-term-you-fancy parenting community, our passion is often times our own Achilles Heel in respects to overstepping boundaries and putting our foot in our mouths, albeit this problem festers deep within the mainstream just as much (have you seen some of those facebook pages, yiiiiikes).

No matter who started what or who the bigger ass is, I bring this issue up because I sincerely believe that we (the natural community) can begin to alleviate this problem between mainstream and alternative because we we are the ones advocating the value in attachment, respect and unity.

I think often times we don’t consider what other parents are experiencing because we are too busy (or simply refuse) to stop, look outside our own little bubble and, most importantly, value someone else’s choice.

I get it, breastfeeding – hey, you nailed it (me too), and if you had difficulties you pulled up your big-girl britches and dealt with it…and don’t even begin to mention the ethical concerns surrounding circumcision, the research reinforcing the detrimental effects of spanking and the  blah blah blah ….

I agree these issues are important and my heart is engulfed in the same advocacy, my friend. But there should be some reverence for the life another human being is actively choosing to live.

This doesn’t mean we will understand it nor does it mean we must validate it or approve it. Another person’s life is not up for our approval in the first place.

The bottom line is we must be more diligent in respecting the choices others make.

Generation X, Attachment Parenting and Over Compensation  

I’ll be the first to admit my guilt of totally saying things before I think (who hasn’t?).

            Hi, my name is Amanda and I’ve totally been an ass.

At times, maybe I’m quick to be offended…other times I’m quick to offend.

With everyone fixated with social media and publishing their opinion on pretty much everything (hey, myself included), we are flooded with perspectives that are different for our own every minute, every day.

From a sociological perspective, parents my age belong to a cohort that was molded by Nintendo, daycare, star wars and divorce. 

That’s not necessarily a bad thing (Star Wars is pretty damn awesome), however according one study, our generation “went through its all-important formative years as one of the least parented, least nurtured generations in U.S. history”.[*][*]  

This piece of knowledge married with a bit of Psych 101: What is unhealed from your own childhood will reveal itself when you have little tots of your own.  

And viola – attachment parenting is birthed (naturally, of course). 

Don’t get me wrong – again, I love the tenants of attachment parenting, the foundation of progressive parenting, and the community of natural parenting. I live by them, just like you (and write about them too).

I suspect that some (okay, many?) natural parents today may be fueled by a strong desire to do a better job at parenting than their parents did (I know this rings true to me). Again this isn’t a bad thing either.

However, where our natural community severely veers off tract is in two aspects (maybe more, but these are the two that I found myself affected by):

(1) given the crack-pot job some of our parents did (and the majority of other parents embracing mainstream choices in parenting), we are left with a real lack of constructive role models to go about showing us how to be a sufficient parent….leading often times to over-compensation…and hence, unwittingly acting like an ass.

(2) We see other children crying it out, formula fed by choice, rode in strollers, fed crap food – and subconsciously maybe we feel like if we help them, then we are helping our own childhood-self in some way. Because as children we cried it out, was fed junk food and left feeling a real lack of affection – and we didn’t “turn out just fine”.

It’s not all about being a product of divorced, overworked parents and latchkey programs.  Maybe every generation simply has unresolved issues with itself. 

I implore you, fellow AP parents: Stay committed to your decisions, but stay flexible in your approach.

4 Easy Steps on how to become an Asshole Parent:

(with counter-steps on how NOT to become one)

Recognize and become familiar with your own tendencies to act callously toward others (no one is perfect and we can all improve treating others better). Hopefully, this list this will give us a great advantage to recognize (in yourself and in others) douche-bag  propensities - and with any luck, stop giving other natural parents a bad name.   

Step 1

Become an expert on something, anything – you pick.

Counter-step: Focus on learning and as soon as you think you know something entirely, your jerk-alert should go off.

Bonus Tip : You know, the more alternative parents get a real bad rap for this (aka santimommy), but if you think this is the only group of parents acting like a bunch of assholes, then you are poorly mistaken. No one is immune to falling prey to this step.

Pride yourself as a seeker not a know-it-all.

Step 2

Speak in absolutes.

“I will never ____.”

“My children always ____.”

“She should never _____.”

Counter-step: Be. Meticulous. About. The. Words. That. Come. Out. Of. Your. Mouth.

Bonus Tip: No matter how thoughtful you are with your words, at some point in time you are likely to offend someone – fact is, there are people out there scouring the ends of the Earth to be offended. The best you can do is to place effort into saying things with kindness and coming from a place of love.

Good luck!

Step 3

At every chance available to you, declare other people’s incompetence.

Counter-step: I know, this step is hard especially if you are learning about your own tendencies of overcompensation. No one is perfect and not everyone wants your two-cents on the subject. You may get burned a few times to eventually learn which of your friends appreciate your unique perspectives. Appreciate other’s point of view too and find value in it.

Bonus Tip: If a friend posts a picture of her child in the car, please refrain from commenting that the child in not properly restrained followed by links to carseat safety and video on youtube of the benefits of extended rearfacing. While I agree there is value in information – consider talking to her off record or send a private message.  

Step 4

You have a small list of close friends and a long list of enemies which you are equally proud of.

Counter-step: True, you can’t get along with everyone and its not your business to make everyone like you – but better yet, give your attention to that which you support and love, not that haters.

Bonus Tip: We’re all in this together, my friends. You can’t get rid of hate with hate, only love can do that.

Parents in the Natural community have another platform to push now – the one that unites us: mainstream and alternative.

United we can accomplish a better future for our children, better then we can ever imagine.

Stop.

Think.

Smile.

Encourage.

Or move Along.

Comparison of Natural Disposable Diapers

When I began my hunt for a good cloth diaper, I spent months researching which brand I was going to buy. I read reviews, I watch videos, I spoke to other moms about their experience and I embraced diversifying my cloth stash with other great brands.

Why should disposables be any different?

One reason may be because the amount of money you place in cloth is usually a large sum up-front when compared to disposables which you pay for over a period of time.

Recently, we’ve switched from cloth to disposables. This is due for a few reasons, one being the care center my daughter (2 yrs old) attends does not support cloth diaper use past the age of 18 months.

I started buying Huggies Pure and Natural because I thought, based on the packaging, they were a good, natural choice.

It wasn’t until I did a bit of research and reading that I found out I was very much amiss in my original assessment.

The rankings below are sourced from online reviews and the enormous amount of information the good people at Baby Gear Lab gathered  - who do a great job at testing all types of baby products (I was not paid for any of these reviews). 

There are pros and cons to every diaper choice (cloth or disposable) and I encourage every parent to make the best diapering decision for their family.

(SAP is mentioned below in the absorbency category. SAP is sodium polyacrylate and is one reason that disposable diapers are able to be so thin, effective and so absorbent. SAP is understood to be non-toxic (click here for the MSDS) however, if exposed to baby’s skin it can dry the skin out and cause sensitivity which leads some parents to look for diapers with a lower SAP content.)

The Bad, the Good and the Best of your natural diaper choices:

The Bad

Broody Chick Eco-Natural Diapers

Price: $0.55

Overall Score           48 out of 100

Absorbency              2 (contains SAP w wood pulp fiber)

Fit/Leakage              5

Comfort                     7

Eco/Health                8

Origin                         Canada

Biodegradable         100% (compostable too!) 

Broody Chick diapers are very eco friendly and boost compostablily too, however these lack performance (and that’s putting it very nicely) in absorption and construction (ex. leg elastic tears easily).

Bottom Line: I’m not going to waste any more of your time with this option – Broody Chick diapers are expensive and horrendously terrible.

Seventh Generation Free & Clear

Price: $0.32

Overall Score           55 out of 100

Absorbency              2 (contains SAP)

Fit/Leakage              8

Comfort                     8

Eco/Health                5

Origin                         USA

Biodegradable         No 

If you ask a for a natural disposable diaper option, you’ll most likely have someone mention Seventh Generation.

These diapers are no doubt eco/health friendly, boosting chorine free/hypoallergenic/Perfume free/ latex free. The Seventh Generation diaper is slightly brown in color which may give the buyer the impression that it is more natural – unfortunately, the diapers are dyed that tan color during the manufacturing process.

Bottom Line: This brand may be the best known eco-friendly diapers on the market. However, absorbency is ranked middle-of-the-road compared to its other natural competitors. On top of that, it ranked the worst on Baby Gear’s overall performance rankings of natural diaper options.

I guess this goes to prove the power of brand marketing (and couponing) on consumer popularity. Lesson learned. Better to choose something else.

Huggies Pure & Natural

Price: $0.34

Overall Score           62 out of 100

Absorbency              6 (contains SAP)

Fit/Leakage              7

Comfort                     7

Eco/Health                4

Origin                         USA

Biodegradable         No

These are the only diaper on the list that is not Chlorine-Free and, in all honesty, should not even be on this list.

If you rely on judging a book by its cover, the name of these diapers is quite deceiving. Huggies Pure & Natural diapers are not eco/health friendly in the slightest.

I take this personally because I used to buy these diapers before I started this research.

Sure, the product is marketed as seemingly natural with “organic cotton” featured on the packaging materials, but the actual material is not.

Bottom Line: This diaper is relatively expensive to similarly performing diapers and it is NOT very natural. If you looking for an eco and hypoallergenic diaper there are much better options that offer better performance at a lower cost!

The Good

The Honest Company Diapers

Price: $0.55

Overall Score           68 out of 100

Absorbency              6 (wheat/corn blend w SAP)

Fit/Leakage              7

Comfort                     7

Eco/Health                8

Origin                         USA (Made in Mexico)

Biodegradable         inner & outer sheet; plant based PLA

Honest Co Diapers offers unique and super cute prints, I mean SERIOUSLY cute, however absorbency was ranked a bit lower compared to other natural diapers that aren’t as hard on the pockets. 

It’s not an accident you haven’t seen these in your local supermarket travels, these diapers are not available in retail outlets and have to be purchased online which could be considered a drawback – and just to mention again, they are expensive.

Bottom Line: The Honest Company’s mission is one I share and the diaper does rank pretty high on fit/leakage – not mention the marvelously cute designs available - however, absorbency ranks are dismal and that is one of the main pillars of a good diaper. If you have money to blow and you value cuteness over utility, I would suggest these.

Nurtured by Nature

Price: $0.27

Overall Score           77 out of 100

Absorbency              8 (contains SAP)

Fit/Leakage              8

Comfort                     8

Eco/Health                6

Origin                         USA

Biodegradable         Not specified

Nurtured by Nature is an okay naturally manufactured diaper. It’s environmentally friendly, chlorine-free and is hypoallergenic. With an average absorbency rating you can get a better diaper for less cost if you choose Earth’s Best (or if you have the money, opt for BAMBO).

Bottom line: Nurtured by Nature is not a good choice; it’s an average option for a natural disposable diaper. There are better and cheaper options though.

Nature Babycare

Price: $0.35

Overall Score           77 out of 100

Absorbency              8 (SAP w natural material PLA)

Fit/Leakage              8

Comfort                     7

Eco/Health                7

Origin                         Sweden (Made in Turkey)

Biodegradable         Partially

Fragrance free, chlorine free, breathable, biodegradable, natural & renewable material, Nature BabyCare is closely comparable to Earth’s Best- yet just slightly more expensive.

This diaper was reviewed as being soft on the inside with a good fit, but the outer layer is more stiff than comparable diapers. 

Bottom Line: With the absorbency layer incorporating more natural material in combination with SAP, this diaper still has high scores in absorbency. Nature Babycare is constructed well and performs pretty good – if you choose this diaper then you’ve made a good choice. 

The Best

Earth’s Best TendeCare Chlorine Free Diapers

Price: $0.30

Overall Score           86 out of 100

Absorbency              9 (SAP w corn/wheat mixture)

Fit/Leakage              9

Comfort                     9

Eco/Health                6

Origin                         USA

Biodegradable         No 

Earth’s Best diaper was the winner of the BabyGearLab Editors’ Choice award.

True, this diaper is priced slighter higher then conventional name-brands (like Pampers) but it offers the benefits of being a more natural disposable choice – however, it is the cheapest among the top 3 natural diaper choices.

Bottom Line: The absorbance (which is partially made of more natural materials of corn and wheat), fit and price are all there in this choice which explains why so many moms recommended this brand to me when I asked for personal feedback.

Attitude

Price: $0.45

Overall Score           88 out of 100

Absorbency              10

Fit/Leakage              8

Comfort                     9

Eco/Health                7

Origin                         Canada

Biodegradable         Partially - Inner shell & padding 

Attitude diapers have the same high rank in absorbency as the 1# contender, Bambo Diapers. These diapers are made with high quality construction (with environment and health as top priorities by the company based in Montreal).

The fit on this diaper may run a bit big – so if you have a bigger baby, then this might be the ideal choice for you (as long as you have deep pockets too!).

Bottom Line: This diaper is an awesome natural choice, if it weren’t for the just slighter higher price tag, it probably would have been ranked number one.

BAMBO Nature

Price: $0.44 ($0.36 each in 168-pack)

Overall Score           91 out of 100

Absorbency              10 (less SAP w added wheat starch)

Fit/Leakage              9

Comfort                     9

Eco/Health                7

Origin                         Denmark

Biodegradable         80% Biodegardable

This diaper won the Top Pick Award for Best Green Diaper at Baby Gear Lab and was also the highest scoring diaper overall (out performing popular name-brand diapers like Pampers and Huggies).

Also worth noting, BAMBO Nature scored highest in absorbency testing and claims to use less SAP by adding wheat starch absorber.

Another plus - The wood pulp in the absorptive layer is from sustainable forestry.

This diaper does run a bit larger than other brands, but it made of flexible cloth-like materials so it fits well with minimal effort.

Bottom line: Although more expensive than most diapers on the market, it is worth the price (whether you want natural or not!) and highly recommended. Also speaking loudly for the brand, Bambo is a partner of Healthy Child, Healthy World which is one of the world’s leading advocates of educating and helping families learn about living a non-toxic lifestyle!