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Cosleeping and Marital Intimacy

pic from here
There are is an abundant amount of changes and challenges that occur when you go from a couple to a family unit. These challenges have the potential to deepen and intensify the meaning of a marriage – it also brings the prospect of having the intimacy sucked out like a black hole.

Having a child or children is not always effortless when it comes to continuing to build on intimacy in your marriage. (Who am I kidding, it’s hard as hell) Life becomes demanding. There is less talking. There is a lot less learning about each other’s day, each other’s goals and passions. Sometimes we just rush, rush, rush to get dinner done, the house cleaned, bathes finished, laundry folded, mow the lawn, empty the dishwasher, did the cat just throw up on the carpet? Damn it. Ahhhhhh, the never ending list! 

Meaning, having a child in the bed is not what makes intimacy difficult – it’s having a baby period, which ultimately leads to juggling time (intimate or not) to be very challenging. 

Many naysayers challenge cosleeping arrangements with the argument that it intrudes on sexual relations between mom and dad. While proponents claim there are creative (and fun) ways around it. So, which is it? 

First, I think it’s important to recognize that intimacy is not just sex. Secondly, if there is less sex in a marriage it could be because there is a baby, not because of where the baby sleeps (or lack of sleeping in some cases).

If both you and your husband understand and agree about the benefits of cosleeping, there is no doubt you'll be able to work out any challenges that arise (no pun intended).

Each and every marriage is different – if cosleeping works or doesn’t work for a family then that’s that. It’s better to have a better marriage either way, then cosleeping and resenting the other person about it.

Personally, knowing that my husband values my daughters’ psychological and emotional wellbeing as much as I do is a turn on all by itself. It also makes those moments that we do get to cuddle, hug, and kiss out of this world.

Cosleeping has been around for a very long time and the human population hasn’t disappeared yet. Somehow, those people are getting busy.

Once you deicide that cosleeping works for your family, being spontaneous and creative seem to work quite well. Sneaking around and finding ways to share a physical moment hold the potential to add a new level to the relationship. If it doesn’t work, then change it. It solely depends on your family dynamics.

One of the best gifts we can give to our children is a healthy, connected marriage – emotionally, spiritually and physically.  Whether that incorporates cosleeping, well – that’s up to you!


  1. Thanks so much for writing this! You're absolutely right - it's not the sleeping arrangement that causes relationship problems, especially if both parents are on board about the benefits of cosleeping. We've been cosleeping with our son since day one and we haven't had any intimacy issues! :)

    1. it's probably the biggest argument I receive when I talk about our cosleeping arrangement!

      Its like people think we will be sleeping like this forever! For us, its a temporary thing we are more then willing to do for the family ; )

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  3. I just don't understand why people think the bed is the only place to have sex. Do they not have a couch, kitchen counter, shower, backyard(lol!), etc... And I also don't see anything wrong with getting busy while baby is in the bed as long as baby is asleep!


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