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Abortion: Dirty Little Secret

Dear God,

Please feed my baby when he is hungry,
And when he is sleepy, could you please hold him close and sing him a song?

When it’s bath time, please wash his face and kiss him when it’s clean,
make sure to put lotion on him and comb his soft hair because I can’t do it right now.

When you hold him in Your arms, please kiss him on his little nose and cuddle his soft cheeks.

When I was younger and went to the doctor, I didnt fully understand the depth of motherhood and a mothers love. I chose to deny your life.

…deny your little arms and legs that I should have kissed and put lotion on... your feet that I should have put little socks on. Your tiny hands that I would have kissed, and would pull my hair. Deny your little heart that should beat strong, day and night while you explore your new world, until you would grow old...

I was supposed to keep you safe and protect you from harm and hurt. I took you from the safest place you could be. I took your life, but not your soul.

Now, I would stop breathing for eternity, to give you your first breath.

You have two little sisters, I must stay here and help them grow. I love you just as much as I love them.

I will meet you very soon –
until then please know that I am sorry and that I didn’t realize how much I love you until it was too late.



P Alderman -

I admit, my honesty does not come easily – my goal in surrendering this secret is to help other women know they are not alone.

I was raised Catholic and went to Catholic schools – in junior high, I was a part of the Right to Life group and volunteered to march in Washington DC to support banning abortions. This background armed me with judgement and the knowledge that abortion was wrong – but it did not arm me to seek out help in an unplanned pregnancy.  Instead, it made a young girl feel shameful of my pregnancy; hiding it – then eventually deciding to terminate it because I felt there was no other option.

How many other girls have a story similar to mine? How can we prevent our daughter from the same path?

Approximately 28% (1 out of 4) of women will decide that abortion is the best option for them when they become pregnant. Facing an unplanned or medically challenged pregnancy, a woman may feel there is no alternative-the pressures of their circumstances are often overwhelming with a lack of support.

Women (and men) can feel very alone and do not always know where to turn for help – I know, I didn’t.

It seems women who know better don’t discuss it (I know I never have, until now – 10 years later). They are in essence keeping a secret that might empower other women from choosing another path.

Many people close to a woman who is in a crisis pregnancy don’t feel comfortable with the decision to abort, but they don’t know what to say.

From my experience, the most helpful response should be, “Don’t have an abortion, I will not abandon you. Together we will find a better way.”

Abortion is viewed as a means to solve their problem –although nothing is said about the problems abortion creates (shame, fear, exteme sadness). Most women do not seek help for abortion-related problems until about 5-12 years afterwards.

If you need help dealing with an abortion, check out Project Rachel.  For over 25 years, Project Rachel has been offering confidential nonjudgmental counseling to help women and men find healing and hope after being involved in an abortion. There are about 140 offices across the country. It costs you nothing to get help.

Give light, and the darkness will disappear of itself


  1. Thank you for sharing this. It's beautiful.

  2. Anonymous3/09/2013

    courage and humility here..beautiful.i dont know what else to say amanda. such an honest reflection.just beautiful.


Please be respectful. If you are about to say something that you would not let your child hear, then please refrain from saying it.