Common Reactions from a Crunchy Mama - GIFs style

Here are some common reactions from someone living and parenting in a more natural approach… and although these pictures below are used in a comical manner, there is an underlying genuine meaning to this post. 

I use the word ‘reaction’ purposefully in the title because reacting is something we should do our best at preventing - at least I know I do, for my own sanity.

I get it - I know that it is not only challenging to be a parent, but place that in combination with living and embracing lifestyle choices that are not yet common in mainstream parenting – you can find yourself being confronted on a daily basis.

If we are able to interrupt our REACTION and instead CHOOSE how we RESPOND, then the situations that tend to harm others (physically, mentally and emotionally) can be reduced.

When someone says and does something that we might not necessarily choose for ourselves/children, be confident in your own choice – so much so, that you do not feel threatened by the choices made by others.

As you go through this day, make a deal with yourself to observe how you impact others!

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‘I turned out just fine’ from ________ (insert any nonsensical societal/medical tradition)

When I see a complete stranger wearing an Ergo carrier.

When someone tells me co-sleeping will result in a clingy kid that will never leave my bed 

When I find another crunchy mama that lives in my neighborhood 

My reaction to the ever so common argument: “Formula is just as good as breast milk.”

People who say that organic, whole food isn’t any better then conventional pesticide, GMO crap.

The feeling I get as soon as I comment on a circumcision debate in online forum 

When my daughter picks up anything at the store, looks at the ingredients and puts it back on the shelf

When I hear someone is planning on trying for an au natural birth

Every time I go to a natural food/health store

that one time, I watch that one documentary that made me cry like a baby. (who I am kidding, every documentary I cry like a baby)

Being told your kids need to be vaccinated to go to school

And then finding a doctor that supports your choice to file a vaccine exemption 

50 Shades of Crazy-Staying Sane with Grey In Your Life

I think I can say in confidence that we all have wild-cards in our life.

Sometimes those wild cards present themselves in the form of an unexpected situation or a sudden change – One case in my life, it had emerged as a particularly thorny affiliation with an ex-friend (we’ll call her ‘M’ for the purposes of this post).

The influence of managing this particularly volatile circumstance in my life has undoubtedly filtered into some of my posts over the last few years -for example, my position on bullying (although this particular relationship definitely transcended that). All the same, I never thought publicly addressing the situation with ‘M’ would be a remarkably sound idea – although that never hindered her vocalization.

She had openly admitted on being violent toward herself (physically) and I knew that she was already aggressive to, not just me, but others as well (psychologically and emotionally). I didn’t want to make an already precarious situation worse – not to mention, she knew where I lived, where my children slept, what car I drove, where I worked…

So why mention this now – maybe because I feel like it can positively impact others going through something similar…

In retrospect, I did publicly touch upon the circumstance once, in a comment I posted (under the name ‘Amanda’) on a thread which was an seemingly failed attempt to explain and apologize for ‘M’s erratic behavior toward other young lady (apparently ‘M’ and another woman told a young mother who lost a child during birth that she murdered her own baby, although I do gather it would be quite challenging to absolve anyone of such remarks). However, this attempt at clarification ended up biting me in the ass nearly a year later when someone used the comment to gather information on ‘M’ for a random troll list which she now mistakenly insists I had a part it writing.

The individuals that wrote the material in this particular list think they are fighting the ‘good’ fight and I do grasp their perspective. However, I would like to make a case that if someone really wanted to help the victims of internet aggression, then it might be vastly more productive to foster places or online-spaces where there is acceptance and support – not, making a public list describing how horrible a person is or taking screen shots of someone’s conversation to illustrate their atrocities.

I understand the need to protect yourself when lines are crossed and you feel that real damage has been done – a person’s immediate response might be to retaliate even more maliciously. However, a wise person knows this is not how to cope with conflict in your life.

I’m not saying these people are, or are not, ‘trolls’.

What I am saying is I choose not to place effort into aggravating those matters. If I did have to collect a thought regarding this list, I would say it should be taken down – in fact, I did ask this and it was at the moderator’s discretion to remove the comment from the page.

I did what I could at the time and I move on.

Now onward forth.

Thriving Through the Fanatical

Managing people or events in your life that are dysfunctional has the ability to drain you, to fuel fear and implant anxiety…which, admittedly at one point in my life, I allowed it to negatively effect me. However, it also imparts the opportunity for personal development and growth.

I hope the following helps facilitate great progress in the conflict and struggles in your life (I know it did mine):

Release your burden.

Hate is restrictive and constricting, while the act of love and forgiveness is the ultimate release. 

From trivial upsets to significant loss, it is essential for a person’s own sanity to place effort (physically, emotionally, socially, mentally, and spiritually) into accepting situations in their life for what they are and to release any harmful and unconstructive connection we have to it.

Everything cannot go according to plan at all times and acceptance does not mean you approve of what is happening – it merely liberates a person from the constraints of a particular event that happened in the past (whether 5 minutes ago or 5 years ago). Because let’s face it, if it happened in the past then it cannot be changed no matter how much pain, fear or hate it produced.       

Acceptance is a person's assent to the reality of a situation, recognizing a situation without attempting to change it.

It is foreseeable that there will be people in our life that are addicted to acting in an insufferable manner, refusing to accept anything in their life that is not what they believe their life should look like.

While we can continue to the best of our ability to provide support and encouragement for people in our life, fortunately each one of us has the authority to make the choice not to participate in hatefulness and dysfunction. 

To quote Martin Luther King, “Hate is too big a burden to bear”.

Positive actions start with you.

Focusing on what a person hates does not resolve it – rather, it multiplies.

Try to appreciate that personal responsibility is a strength, not a weakness. Take ownership of your actions and recognize the impressive power of positive, compassionate acts.

Each person and situation in your life presents value – honor the importance of that even through the misery it/they may cause you.

Ask for help.

Ninety-five percent of the time, conflict is about feelings-not facts.

If there is a person in your life or a situation that is causing real distress, sometimes it is best to take the time and talk to someone who is not emotionally involved. This can be a touchstone to the pulse of something outside the insanity that this person/event is causing.

In my experience, this always places things in perspective. Many times, other people are going through bigger obstacles in their life and it makes the dysfunction occurring in my life seem insignificant.

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No doubt, becoming fully aware of what is important in your life is paramount in dealing with difficult people and events.

"Our lives are not determined by what happens to us
but by how we react to what happens, not by what life brings to us,
but by the attitude we bring to life.

A positive attitude causes a chain reaction of positive thoughts, events, and outcomes.

It is a catalyst, a spark that creates extraordinary results."

7 Steps To Bliss

Through my teen years to my mid-twenties, I had ‘managed’ depression and anxiety in many defective ways: drugs, promiscuity, self-inflicted injury, alcohol, prescription medication, avoidance. None of these were long-lasting or beneficial.

And then there was a period in my life where my perception of the world and my purpose in it shifted. I began recognizing myself in others and appreciating myself for who I truly am (who we all are): each of us unique and with a divine purpose - who is happy, sometimes.

Come ‘on – we aren’t ALWAYS happy. My goal in this post is not to act like if you do any of the following things in your life you will be a happy person - In fact, ‘happy’ is a loaded word.  

Am I a much ‘happier’ person now that I incorporate the following list into my life – sure. But that doesn’t mean I don’t feel sad or angry or overwhelmed at times.

I think the key is actually feeling the uncomfortable emotion at that time – which is the opposite of what we automatically think or what may be acceptable. I mean, who wants to feel sad? Who wants to feel pissed off?

But the thing is, if you stuff it – then you will eventually feel it and its going to more drawn out and gritty then if you would have just dealt with it all at that time.

However, I digress…let’s just agree that feeling sad or angry isn’t ‘right or wrong’ anymore then being happy or peaceful.

The following has helped me find joy within myself and I hope it does the same for you.

Step 1    Take Care of Yourself

I mean really take care of yourself. This may be of the most influential step listed.

Some Most of us were never taught nor had a role model in our lives that provided a decent example on how to take care of our bodies. And an occasional gym and health class in high school doesn’t quite lend a knowledgeable foundation to use throughout a lifetime.

Luckily, all a person needs to the willingness to learn and to love themselves - if you are reading this, then there is a good chance you are at least doing one of these two.

Obviously, nutrition directly effects your physical, mental (focus) and emotional energy. Start by being more aware of what you eat. Watch a documentary (Food Inc and Forks Over Knives is excellent).

Foods that possess clinical evidence to combat depression are foods with omega-3 fatty acids (think salmon and tuna) and folic acid (such as spinach and avocado). [*][*][*][*][*][*]

If there was a superstar in your arsenal of self care then it would most definitely be exercise.

Chemically speaking, getting physical has been repeatedly supported by science to be as effective as antidepressants – with no side effects (well, maybe a smaller waistline and higher self esteem). [*][*][*][*][*][*][*][*]

Here is a really good read with more information on how to start taking care of yourself: What it means to really take care of yourself.

Step 2    Drop the Comparisons

You might not now it yet – but I’m going to let you in on something...

Comparing yourself to others is poisonous.

Social comparisons and over thinking situations is simply a (bad) habit – it’s not something that we were instinctually born to do. Which is a good thing – it means we can learn to stop.

If you find yourself stewing over an event, rehashing something someone has done/said to you or simply being critical of another – stop.

‘Well, it’s not that easy’

Yes. Yes - it is. Stop right now and do something else. 

What someone else is doing is their business (unless it is hurting someone obviously); mind your own business because it’s bad for your health.

If you are hell bent on comparing yourself to someone, then compare yourself to an earlier version of yourself. 

Step 3   Do Something Creative or New

Becoming aware of your emotions seems easy, yet as we grow up get really good at two things that hinder our ability to do this (1) denial (2) denial.

If you are wondering exactly how to become better aware of what you are truly feeling then incorporating something creative in your life is hands down the most effective way to ‘tune in’ - simply draw, dance, sing, or listen/play music.

When you are being creative, you automatically become more aware of your emotions not to mention it is an amazing way to release/vent/express any negative emotions simmering inside.

If you aren’t that creative (or even if you are) then go somewhere or do something new.

Go to the museum. Start reading a new book. Go for a bike ride. Take a class. Volunteer.

When we do something new you are altering the levels of dopamine in the brain which is intrinsically link to depression/enjoyment. [*]

Step 4    EXPRESS Gratitude

Talk about beating a dead horse – we hear over and over again how important it is to be grateful in our lives.

Sure, people generically say they are grateful for the wonderful things in their life (kids, house, friends, family, job, etc.) but exactly how do they express it?

What action results from your gratefulness?

This is the key that isn’t mentioned – probably because people generally don’t want to have to exert any extra effort into the things in their life. (Another reason why step 1 is so crucial-where else are you going to get the extra energy needs to be expressing gratitude all day?)

Try this first step – tell someone how grateful you are to have them in your life…and then tell them again the next day.

Smile at someone that you appreciate.

Say thank you and make sure you look at the person when saying it.

Pause and give some of your time to think about a few reasons associated with why you are grateful for something.

When we give time and effort to appreciate the things in our life those things and people increase in value in our lives.

Step 5    Continually Forgive Yourself

No one can beat you up better then you.

The kicker – you’re really good at and you may not even be aware that you are doing it.

There are many things in my life that I look back and think – wow, I would never do those things today. However, all of those ‘mistakes’ have contributed in helping me becoming the person I am today.

Before you are able to forgive anyone in your life, you must be willing to cut yourself a break.

At some point in your life, you’ll come to realize that you did the best you could given the conditions of your life at that time. Once we realize that about ourselves – you understand that it applies to everyone else and forgiveness of others becomes easier.

Step 6   Practice a Spiritual Life

There is something to be said about what happens when we recognize that life is bigger than us.

Not only does science substantiated the claim that spirituality diminishes depression, but the way you experience life is transformed when you consider that we’re all in this together. [*][*][*][*]

Live your faith.

Practice it.

What have you done in the past 24 hours that expresses your most deeply held beliefs?

Step 7    Love VS Fear

Love and fear are ultimately the most powerful and basic forms of human emotion.

Both of these emotions hold the potential to inspire extreme behavior (dying for another/killing another). But it seems that fear tends to paralyze rather than empower.

This step isn’t as easy as simply deciding one day to live from a fear-based outlook to one that is based on love. It takes a shift in perspective and may take practice and patience.

For me, I recognize that every breath that is taken in this life is a precious gift bestowed to us for one purpose and that is to love each other the best we can.

Do not focus on what is not your purpose. Obstacles in life cannot be controlled.

In fact, the challenges in your life are not by accident.

What this world has been trying to tell you this whole time is… “I love you and everything will be alright.” (and don’t we all need to hear this)

Once we hear this message - more importantly, once you experience it – it’s effortless to come from a place of love and share that with the world. 

21-Day Challenge: Meditation with Deepak

Meditation can be thought of as a technique of training the mind to quiet and focus.

Why should you consider meditation? Well, meditation is scientifically proven to be beneficial to our health. It reduces stress and anxiety while improving memory, sleep quality and problem solving (plus TONS more).

Meditation is special. While prayer helps a person talk to God, meditation allows you to receive the message and purpose.

The great thing is that everyone can meditate, no matter who they are or what religion they practice. I have tried meditation on and off for the last year but never stuck to it.

Now I am taking part in a 21-Day Challenge and I encourage you to join me!

Those who sign up will receive a daily email with a guided meditation – also a message and tips for helping you meditate.

It is totally free and designed for beginners to help develop a meditation ritual.

Click here to sign up and start with me! Also here is the Facebook page to learn more.

“A truth cannot be created, but only perceived.” – Yogananda

Abortion: Dirty Little Secret

Dear God,

Please feed my baby when he is hungry,

And when he is sleepy, could you please hold him close and sing him a song?

When it’s bath time, please wash his face and kiss him when it’s clean,

make sure to put lotion on him and comb his soft hair because I can’t do it right now.

When you hold him in Your arms, please kiss him on his little nose and cuddle his soft cheeks.

When I was younger and went to the doctor, I didnt fully understand the depth of motherhood and a mothers love. I chose to deny your life.

…deny your little arms and legs that I should have kissed and put lotion on... your feet that I should have put little socks on. Your tiny hands that I would have kissed, and would pull my hair. Deny your little heart that should beat strong, day and night while you explore your new world, until you would grow old...

I was supposed to keep you safe and protect you from harm and hurt. I took you from the safest place you could be. I took your life, but not your soul.

Now, I would stop breathing for eternity, to give you your first breath.

You have two little sisters, I must stay here and help them grow. I love you just as much as I love them.

I will meet you very soon –

until then please know that I am sorry and that I didn’t realize how much I love you until it was too late.

Love,

Momma

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P Alderman - watercolorbypamela.com



I admit, my honesty does not come easily – my goal in surrendering this secret is to help other women know they are not alone.

I was raised Catholic and went to Catholic schools – in junior high, I was a part of the Right to Life group and volunteered to march in Washington DC to support banning abortions. This background armed me with judgement and the knowledge that abortion was wrong – but it did not arm me to seek out help in an unplanned pregnancy.  Instead, it made a young girl feel shameful of my pregnancy; hiding it – then eventually deciding to terminate it because I felt there was no other option.

How many other girls have a story similar to mine? How can we prevent our daughter from the same path?

Approximately 28% (1 out of 4) of women will decide that abortion is the best option for them when they become pregnant. Facing an unplanned or medically challenged pregnancy, a woman may feel there is no alternative-the pressures of their circumstances are often overwhelming with a lack of support.

Women (and men) can feel very alone and do not always know where to turn for help – I know, I didn’t.

It seems women who know better don’t discuss it (I know I never have, until now – 10 years later). They are in essence keeping a secret that might empower other women from choosing another path.

Many people close to a woman who is in a crisis pregnancy don’t feel comfortable with the decision to abort, but they don’t know what to say.

From my experience, the most helpful response should be, “Don’t have an abortion, I will not abandon you. Together we will find a better way.”

Abortion is viewed as a means to solve their problem –although nothing is said about the problems abortion creates (shame, fear, exteme sadness). Most women do not seek help for abortion-related problems until about 5-12 years afterwards.

If you need help dealing with an abortion, check out Project Rachel.  For over 25 years, Project Rachel has been offering confidential nonjudgmental counseling to help women and men find healing and hope after being involved in an abortion. There are about 140 offices across the country. It costs you nothing to get help.

Give light, and the darkness will disappear of itself

Imprisoned by Anxiety. Liberated by Faith

Regina Lafay: Anxiety

A few days ago, on my way home from a great day at work, it seemed I hit all of the green lights – then a song came on the radio that I’ve been waiting to hear all week. The sky was clear, the sun was shining and it was warm enough to roll my window down and enjoy the warm fresh air.

Ever have those moments when your life seems so full, you’ll just explode if something else good comes your way? (Ok, maybe not explode, but you catch yourself smiling at everyone around you and you start conversations up with strangers in line at the grocery store.)

I have to say this hasn’t always been the case. I remember when I was little I had this feeling I wasn’t able to explain. The only way I was able to think of it for myself at that age was the feeling of not being home, of unease. There was a period in my life when anxiety started to manipulated my life and the happy moments were very few. I wanted to share my experience of over coming it. Though, this may be misleading, since anxiety is there at times – the way I perceive and use anxiety has changed …. Read on –

Combat Zone

Worrying, obsessive thinking – distressing about anything and everything seems a perfect way to describe my life about 5 years ago. I would lay awake at night worrying about my job, my life- unable to sleep.

Ultimately this led to panic attacks. I’ll never forget my first attack, it happened in the car on a way to a friend’s wedding. What a mess. I couldn’t breathe, I felt claustrophobic – trapped in a tiny metal box, crying.

I was completed burdened and drained by these thoughts and attacks. I was utterly consumed and I had no room for positive thinking, inspiration for growth or ambition for new life experiences.

I eventually went to the doctor only to become a zombie on the medication I was given. My husband eventually threw out the drugs and told me that I had transformed into a shell of a person.

Which was better? A battlefield or a shell.

You Call It God

Interesting how one moment of your life can change the course of everything and everyone around you.

Though I went to catholic schools my entire life, I was a self-proclaimed atheist by the time I was 19. During my time spent in college, my favorite classes where those about organized religions and how they support the masses. I lived my life with little thought about God and I was pretty vocal about despising those annual holidays that seemed to conformed with commercialism and capitalism.

Until one little nothing-of-a-night when I planted a small seed in my mind. The catalyst was actually a question that I never realized had the potential that would change my life forever.

“What makes us different from each other?"

The question ended up developing into months of research; I literally had a notebook filled with writings of the information I came across. Eventually, I had to get down to the very tiniest of all things knowable – quantum physics and Advaita Vedanta philosophy – to attempt to see what makes me and my soul different then anyone else’s. 

Oddly enough – I ended up having to change my question entirely.

“What makes us the same?”

With this slight change, everything was clear.

I recognized everything I experience is Divine, that are true self is God- in essence, we create everything we experience.

Transformation In Thinking

So how exactly did this affect my anxiety? Three words – Change in Thinking. Once I accepted this completely in my life – that everything I experience is Divine (or God if you will), it literally transformed the way I experienced everything in my life.

I guess some people use the word enlightened – though, that is a powerful word. I am by no means stating I am enlightened or have been enlightened, but it seems like the closest word that the English language provides. A complete paradigm shift – everything changed.

Instead of thinking about how badly I hate my life, how sad I was with my body, mourning that I had this terrible my anxiety – I thought about how full of opportunity every day is. I thought about how much control I possessed in my life since I was the one creating it.

I breath differently now. My self-worth is on another level. I listen to the thoughts in my mind as if they are just a generic monologue; thoughts that are only thoughts. My thoughts are not who I am. I was transformed into the person I had always been, but only lost sight of.

Unique Paths

This was just a part of the path I have taken in my life. Each one of us is so utterly unique and beautiful.

When I see other people, I see a lesson, a purpose.

It isn’t some odd fluke that these particular people are in your life – you put them there.

It isn’t some odd fluke that these events are happening in your life - you put them there.