The Virgin Mary's Birth: A Metaphor for the Conscious Mother

Mary’s virgin birth of Jesus Christ can be regarded as an incredibly meaningful and powerful metaphor.

And although 83% of Americans state that they do, in deed, believe that Mary was in fact an actual virgin during the birth of her first son - I am not here to confirm or deny the merit to this claim.[*]

Although scientists have observed virgin conceptions (known as parthenogenesis) occurring in nature, it has never been observed as occurring in humans, except in unique births as mentioned in various religious (not just Christian) documents.[*] 

A Metaphor

Jesus, himself, preferred to teach his message using a form of metaphor called parables and the virgin birth may be on of the most powerful and universal metaphors to exist.[*][*]

Many current and past scholars have regarded the Virgin Birth is a metaphor for a woman’s process (Mary’s in this case) into motherhood and a spiritual life.

The events that occur within the soul of a woman cause a shift during birth - A birth of compassion; when you begin to live out of compassion rather than from selfish motivation.

“The emotional labor pains of becoming a mother are far greater than the physicals pangs of birth; these are the growing surges of your heart as it pushes out selfishness and fear and makes room for sacrifice and love. It is a private and silent birth of the soul, but it is no less holy then the event of childbirth, perhaps it is even more sacred.” – Joy Kusek LCCE

Although I can not speak for any other person other than myself, motherhood has transformed all that I am.

Motherhood is an extraordinarily profound gift which I think our society tends to forget and, in some cases, undermine.

The Virgin birth does not refer to the biological condition of Mary, but to events that occur within the soul that every mother holds the potential in experiencing. With this insight, we must do our best to honor every mother.

This renewal of the self which occurs in a woman during the passage from woman to mother is enshrouded in obscurity and wonder.  A woman is born again with discernment existing in the soul that experiences the Divine in a unique way – through her child, through her heart and as an instrument of Love and compassion.

I encourage every mother to do their best never to lose sight of what a magnificent influence they have.

50 Shades of Crazy-Staying Sane with Grey In Your Life

I think I can say in confidence that we all have wild-cards in our life.

Sometimes those wild cards present themselves in the form of an unexpected situation or a sudden change – One case in my life, it had emerged as a particularly thorny affiliation with an ex-friend (we’ll call her ‘M’ for the purposes of this post).

The influence of managing this particularly volatile circumstance in my life has undoubtedly filtered into some of my posts over the last few years -for example, my position on bullying (although this particular relationship definitely transcended that). All the same, I never thought publicly addressing the situation with ‘M’ would be a remarkably sound idea – although that never hindered her vocalization.

She had openly admitted on being violent toward herself (physically) and I knew that she was already aggressive to, not just me, but others as well (psychologically and emotionally). I didn’t want to make an already precarious situation worse – not to mention, she knew where I lived, where my children slept, what car I drove, where I worked…

So why mention this now – maybe because I feel like it can positively impact others going through something similar…

In retrospect, I did publicly touch upon the circumstance once, in a comment I posted (under the name ‘Amanda’) on a thread which was an seemingly failed attempt to explain and apologize for ‘M’s erratic behavior toward other young lady (apparently ‘M’ and another woman told a young mother who lost a child during birth that she murdered her own baby, although I do gather it would be quite challenging to absolve anyone of such remarks). However, this attempt at clarification ended up biting me in the ass nearly a year later when someone used the comment to gather information on ‘M’ for a random troll list which she now mistakenly insists I had a part it writing.

The individuals that wrote the material in this particular list think they are fighting the ‘good’ fight and I do grasp their perspective. However, I would like to make a case that if someone really wanted to help the victims of internet aggression, then it might be vastly more productive to foster places or online-spaces where there is acceptance and support – not, making a public list describing how horrible a person is or taking screen shots of someone’s conversation to illustrate their atrocities.

I understand the need to protect yourself when lines are crossed and you feel that real damage has been done – a person’s immediate response might be to retaliate even more maliciously. However, a wise person knows this is not how to cope with conflict in your life.

I’m not saying these people are, or are not, ‘trolls’.

What I am saying is I choose not to place effort into aggravating those matters. If I did have to collect a thought regarding this list, I would say it should be taken down – in fact, I did ask this and it was at the moderator’s discretion to remove the comment from the page.

I did what I could at the time and I move on.

Now onward forth.

Thriving Through the Fanatical

Managing people or events in your life that are dysfunctional has the ability to drain you, to fuel fear and implant anxiety…which, admittedly at one point in my life, I allowed it to negatively effect me. However, it also imparts the opportunity for personal development and growth.

I hope the following helps facilitate great progress in the conflict and struggles in your life (I know it did mine):

Release your burden.

Hate is restrictive and constricting, while the act of love and forgiveness is the ultimate release. 

From trivial upsets to significant loss, it is essential for a person’s own sanity to place effort (physically, emotionally, socially, mentally, and spiritually) into accepting situations in their life for what they are and to release any harmful and unconstructive connection we have to it.

Everything cannot go according to plan at all times and acceptance does not mean you approve of what is happening – it merely liberates a person from the constraints of a particular event that happened in the past (whether 5 minutes ago or 5 years ago). Because let’s face it, if it happened in the past then it cannot be changed no matter how much pain, fear or hate it produced.       

Acceptance is a person's assent to the reality of a situation, recognizing a situation without attempting to change it.

It is foreseeable that there will be people in our life that are addicted to acting in an insufferable manner, refusing to accept anything in their life that is not what they believe their life should look like.

While we can continue to the best of our ability to provide support and encouragement for people in our life, fortunately each one of us has the authority to make the choice not to participate in hatefulness and dysfunction. 

To quote Martin Luther King, “Hate is too big a burden to bear”.

Positive actions start with you.

Focusing on what a person hates does not resolve it – rather, it multiplies.

Try to appreciate that personal responsibility is a strength, not a weakness. Take ownership of your actions and recognize the impressive power of positive, compassionate acts.

Each person and situation in your life presents value – honor the importance of that even through the misery it/they may cause you.

Ask for help.

Ninety-five percent of the time, conflict is about feelings-not facts.

If there is a person in your life or a situation that is causing real distress, sometimes it is best to take the time and talk to someone who is not emotionally involved. This can be a touchstone to the pulse of something outside the insanity that this person/event is causing.

In my experience, this always places things in perspective. Many times, other people are going through bigger obstacles in their life and it makes the dysfunction occurring in my life seem insignificant.

****

No doubt, becoming fully aware of what is important in your life is paramount in dealing with difficult people and events.

"Our lives are not determined by what happens to us
but by how we react to what happens, not by what life brings to us,
but by the attitude we bring to life.

A positive attitude causes a chain reaction of positive thoughts, events, and outcomes.

It is a catalyst, a spark that creates extraordinary results."

Searching for Happiness? Look for the Trash Can.

I can say with confidence that, at times, I can be my own worst enemy.

I have transformed so many aspects of my life to align with my purpose and goal of becoming healthier, learning compassion and living a joyful life – yet, there was still (and I imagine will always be) negative thoughts that popped up in my head that I had difficulty as distinguishing as being separate from me.

“If not everybody likes me then there must be something wrong with me.”

“If I make a mistake that means I’m not smart enough.”

Negative thoughts that we experience hold the potential to be a hundred times more addictive and destructive than any drug.

And I admit, I was junkie.

The negative thoughts don’t even have to be about you – they can be about other people too!

“She won’t last long at that job. She’s not right for it.”

“He cheated on his wife so he’s a terrible person.”

Now, I’m not saying cheating on someone is right – or that the woman is going to excel at that position, but what I am saying is – WHY THINK ABOUT IT?

Why not choose to think of something else?

For me, I found it paramount to effectively deal with choosing such thoughts.

It’s not as easy as simply saying to yourself, “I’m going to be positive today” – removing damaging thoughts and your attention to those thoughts has to be a proactive approach.

You have to do something about it!

Awareness

Pretty obvious….

You can not address negative thoughts in your life until you first realize that certain thoughts are not doing you any benefit. 

Sounds easy enough ….however a person that just spent the last 2 hours gossiping about people and then acknowledging that they just had one negative thought is not going to change their life –

Hello! They aren’t even aware that the last two hours were filled with damaging thoughts - even if it is about someone else, it affects you THE SAME WAY!

The poison being spewed at another is being grown and produced by the speaker.

For me, I recognize that I am having harmful thoughts when I feel distressed, anxious or gloomy. No one is immune to experiencing crap ideas and thoughts, its all about recognizing them AND doing something about it.

Action

There are a few things I do when I find myself saying– “Hey, thinking this isn’t doing any good.”

             

Firstly – I find the quickest thing I am thankful for. I know, I know – It sounds corny. But it does help!

I remember getting lost, all by myself, driving home from Berlin, Ohio sometime the end of July. I was leaving my brother’s rehearsal dinner for his wedding.  It was late, my boobs were engorged from not nursing for so long, the GPS had no signal, it started raining, it was dark outside and there was nothing in sight. I was completely lost.  

I remember saying out loud how I was grateful that I had enough gas to drive around as far as I needed to find my way back. I kept saying how grateful I was that I was able to enjoy the country side, and that it wasn’t snowing, and that I had good windshield wipers, etc.

I think I went a bit crazy that night – but in essence, I did not allow myself to feed off of terrible thoughts and I found that it worked!

In the end, I found myself – an hour out of my way, off route….in a good mood and thankful again, this reason being to finally be home.

Action – Trash’em

I used to say to myself “delete” when thoughts came up that were destructive…even though it seemed to work in the short term – the same thoughts continued to resurface.

 

I recently read about research published in Psychological Science which found when people wrote down their unwanted, negative thoughts on paper and then threw the paper away – they also mentally discarded the thoughts as well.

Seems too easy huh? Two words for you – TRY. IT.

“At some level, it can sound silly. But we found that it really works — by physically throwing away or protecting your thoughts, you influence how you end up using those thoughts.”

For the last few days, I’ve been taking a few minutes in the morning to jot down whatever thoughts or concerns that aren’t beneficial to my life...

and then I tear them up into tiny pieces and throwthem in the trash...

and I have to say – it feels remarkable and I don’t think about them.  

Of course, this doesn’t eliminate the thought(s) completely but it allows you to make a break in the recurrence of the thoughts for a period of time – which is all you need to start replacing them with positive ones!

Action – Replace’em

The same study mentioned above also found that if you write down beneficial thoughts and keep them close to you that you have the ability to magnify them and make them more important in your life.

What I do, after throwing my bad thoughts away in the trash every morning – immediately following, I write down one thing I am grateful for and post it at my desk so I can see it all day...after awhile they start to accumulate -

It doesn’t have to be something colossal. Just a small thought, like a little seed you plant, will cultivate and grow many more similar, positive thoughts throughout the day.

- - -

Better believe it - Your thoughts affect how you feel and act in any given day, as well as affect the people who you love.  

Don’t feel trapped - We absolutely have the ability to modify our thoughts and significantly improve our lives.

People who are positive cope with stress better, experience better health and immunity, and are more resilient when trauma and crisis occur.

What do you have to lose by trying these few steps out every morning?

I would love to hear your comments or tips on positive thinking. Do you struggle with negative thoughts? Please leave a comment below!

 

"If a pebble in our boot torments us, we expel it. We take off the boot and shake it out. And once the matter is fairly understood, it is just as easy to expel an intruding and obnoxious thought from your mind, as it is to shake a stone out of your shoe."

- Edward Carpenter

21-Day Challenge: Meditation with Deepak

Meditation can be thought of as a technique of training the mind to quiet and focus.

Why should you consider meditation? Well, meditation is scientifically proven to be beneficial to our health. It reduces stress and anxiety while improving memory, sleep quality and problem solving (plus TONS more).

Meditation is special. While prayer helps a person talk to God, meditation allows you to receive the message and purpose.

The great thing is that everyone can meditate, no matter who they are or what religion they practice. I have tried meditation on and off for the last year but never stuck to it.

Now I am taking part in a 21-Day Challenge and I encourage you to join me!

Those who sign up will receive a daily email with a guided meditation – also a message and tips for helping you meditate.

It is totally free and designed for beginners to help develop a meditation ritual.

Click here to sign up and start with me! Also here is the Facebook page to learn more.

“A truth cannot be created, but only perceived.” – Yogananda

Freedom

Acceptance is our key to freedom.

Acceptance of the way things are at any given moment is how we feel joy.

But, you ask, how do we learn to accept terrible things in our life?

Gratitude for the magnificent love in our life that over shadows the awful.

Natural Childbirth: Pain With Great Purpose

After about ten months (or more!) of growing, planning, dreaming, and preparing for such an awesome gift, the birth of a baby will most likely be one of the most rewarding and challenging moments in a woman’s life.  No matter how or where the baby is born.

something this size is meant to come out naturally?!

With my first child, I did the expected, predictable thing. I went to a hospital and got an epidural. There’s no reason to go through the pain of childbirth if you don’t have to, right?

While we may not know for sure all the purposes of pain in labor, we would be reckless to think there are none.

With my second, I had a non-medicated, midwife assisted homebirth. I found out first hand what I had missed with my first. The pain experienced during labor does have a purpose, many in fact.

(No matter where, what, when, why or how –childbirth is a remarkable event and every woman should be supported in her decision. There are those out there wanting to belittle, condemn, scrutinize, and humiliate but these actions get us no where in the safety of mothers and babies. Instead, I ask you to read the list with an open mind and consider there is another option available to birth that doesn’t automatically necessitate drugs.)

The Pain Prepares You

When a women starts to feel contractions, the dull ache is a signal that it’s not just another day. When I felt I was in labor, it gave me time to gather up the things I needed and to make sure the support I needed was there. I also made sure to not to overexert myself that morning, to lazy around, take many showers and relax.

now that's just lazy

More importantly preparing myself mentally, physically and emotionally helped prepare me in a different way compared to my first medicated birth. There was a level of selflessness there that I didn’t have with my first daughter. I am in no means stating that all women who take medication are selfish – I am only speaking of my personal experience.

I knew no matter how painful labor was going to get, I was opting out of drugs because I wanted my baby to have the safest, most gentle birth possible. I wasn’t choosing pain because I am a masochist, I was choosing it because I wanted what I thought was best and most safe for my daughter.

For me, this altruism made room for me to grow into a better mother and wife.

This was what love meant after all: sacrifice and selflessness.

It did not mean hearts and flowers and a happy ending,

but the knowledge that another's well-being

 is more important than one's own.

The Pain Protects You

While I was in labor, the pain from contractions made me move, a lot. I was on my feet for most of the day. I walked outside, inside, upstairs, downstairs. I took a shower and then walked some more. When I did lay down to rest, my left side was more painful to lay on, so I laid on my right. All of my actions that day eased the pain a bit and helped me get from one contraction to the other.

This movement protected my body as well as my daughter’s. Since my movement was not restricted at all the entire process, I was able to help facilitate the baby’s decent. Using gravity in the process, movement also eases the pressure on the baby and on the birth canal.

It was extremely helpful to remember during my natural birth that my baby is not a passive but rather a very active participant in the process. I thought of pain as sort of a language between us.

The Pain Provides Natural Relief

Coping with pain during labor allows the body to increase oxytocin release, which in turn causes more effective, stronger contractions. This ultimately leads to the release of endorphins, a natural narcotic. Endorphins are endogenous opioid peptides that function as neurotransmitters (say that 5 times fast). They are normally released during exercise, excitement, love, orgasm and you guess it – pain.  

With my first child, the epidural wore off about half way through labor. The pain was excruciating. I was laying down, tied up to monitors, plastic IV’s, and a catheter. I had to lay there and deal with the pain until I was able to talk the nurse into calling for the anesthesiologist – for more drugs. If I combined the pain of getting the epidural, the pain of it wearing off, and the pain of a slower recovery, my first birth (that was medicated) was more painful then my second natural birth.

ok, that's just needlessly painful

I understand that it may be difficult to understand, but in my case – at home, naturally, the pain was gradual and manageable. I relaxed and breathed deeply while I swayed back and forth. Not only was this beneficial to me, but the deep breathing allows the baby to get lots of oxygen.  

The Pain Helps You Respond

When I used drugs with my first birth it disrupted what I should have been doing to have an efficient labor. I know this only because I experienced what labor was like without medication. There is no way in hell I would have laid on my back for 6 hours straight if I was having a natural birth. Laying down is not effective at getting a baby out, whether using drugs or not.

Who the hell thought this would work for getting a baby out?

 For me, when I was unable to feel contractions or feel the pressure of my baby, I was unable to respond to it. I laid there and waited for a doctor to tell me to push. My body wasn’t stimulated to produce optimal oxytocin and endorphin levels. I found that out when the epidural wore off. I went from zero to 1 million. I didn’t know how to react, how to respond – so I asked more drugs instead.

Once I removed the pain during the journey, I removed the signals my body needed to keep labor progressing and to protecting itself and my baby.

When I had a natural birth, it was like I knew exactly what to do. I distinctly remember leaning over the couch and going through a pretty intense contraction. Immediately following that, I stood up and changed positions – I knew that I had to respond in a different way.

Coping with the pain in labor helped me have an easier birth, I had an alert baby, and I felt healthier.

Pain is not just an unfortunate side effect of labor but instead it is an important piece of the normal process of labor and birth. I think it would be most valuable for women and babies if more people would talk about the benefits of pain during labor instead of attempting to escape it automatically.

Epidurals do carry medical risks as well as the interventions needed when deciding on pharmaceutical pain management. Personally, I find the bias encouragement women receive in pharmaceutical pain relief for their own good with little reference to the possible side effects for the baby very distressing. Luckily, many women when discovering that these drugs do cross the placenta are motivated to try other forms of pain relief, since harming their baby (even if it is remote) is  undesirable.

I found labor very bearable, especially when I knew it meant better health for my daughter. I have no doubt that other women would feel the same way if they knew the benefits of pain in labor, to both themselves and their babies.

Rejoice not in the fact that you are suffering,

but in the confidence that the pain can be transformed.

The value lies not in the pain itself,

but in what you can make of it.

Stubborn Thrush Meets Stubborn Mom

I consider myself a pro when it comes to breastfeeding. I’ve white-knuckled through the painful first weeks (twice), experienced the pitfalls of supply and demand, attended local Le Leche League meetings, and eventually been able to provide advice to other nursing mothers.

Fate figured it was time to kick me in my side with a steel-toed boot.

The name of that boot was: thrush

If you’re not sure what thrush is, well, it is fungal infection of the breast that causes severe pain. It’s undoubtedly the largest obstacle in breastfeeding. If you breastfeed (or have in the past) and never had to deal with it, consider yourself blessed by heavenly angels and all things that are holy. 

You are blessed by angels, fuzzy bunnies and white doves.

Avoiding antibiotics may help reduce your chances of dealing with thrush (take it from someone who has dealt with it, it’s worth avoiding antibiotics merely for this fact alone). Although in my case, antibiotics was not a culprit.

Thrush is Evil – My Story and How I Prevailed

I had breastfed my first daughter successfully for 20+ months and I was blessed with another daughter 6 months later. Everything was normal for 8 months…and then I started to feel some pain deep in my breast while pumping at work.

I thought nothing of it and just dealt with it.

Keep in mind, 4 month prior I had wrote a post entirely dedicated to using pain as a communicator…we should listen when there is pain since it is one way our bodies tell us something is out of sync (usually a late indicator). You can read more about that here: Natural Childbirth: Pain With Great Purpose.

Isn’t it great how life will keep attempting to teach you a lesson over and over until you finally “get it”? And even if you think you “got it” the first ten times, life wants to make sure you remember.

Life is awesome.

After about a week or so of that type of deep-sharp pain, came the excruciating soreness and cracking nipples.

Yippie for nipples that are cracked.

Then came the issue of my supply dwindling down to nearly nothing. I had to pump all day and all night - no kidding. And you know what milk looks like when you have to pump with excruciatingly painful, sore, cracked nipples? Oh, let me show you –

What the hell am I supposed to do with that?!

 

I thought if I just waited long enough the agony and misery would heal on its own. I was wrong.

Waiting until it got to the point of utter anguish and torture, I reached out to someone I met through a local le leche league meeting about a year earlier.

I wanted something I could incorporate that was as natural as possible. This is what I did:

Changed Pumping Routine:

I was already using coconut oil after every pumping session although this wasn’t making any dent in my symptoms. Although now, I started a better routine for cleaning up while pumping at work. The current routine was just horrendous – I would pump and then that’s it. I never wiped up or anything. I started using a non-antibacterial soap on my boobs after I pumped and also washed the equipment very well afterwards.  (Note: washing boobs at work over a small sink, three to four times a day, is not easy.)

This is what all nursing rooms should look like.

Gentian Violet:

My friend mentioned something called gentian violet. After doing some brief research on it, I tracked some of it down at a local pharmacy (after calling about 10 different places). I also used this on my daughter mouth in case she had thrush (although she only exhibited signs for about 3-4 days and that was a few weeks earlier).

The stuff is messy and really odd looking – your baby's entire mouth is completely purple.

After bath-time I placed some in Charlotte’s mouth and then nursed so we both got the benefits. I only did this for about 3 days because you’re not supposed to use it for a long duration.

Bra Burning:

Ok, I didn’t burn bras but I diligently washed all of my bras in super hot-hot scorching water.  This did result in me having to say RIP to one bra.

Took The Offensive:

I took probiotics every morning and of course kept taking vitamin D3 (5,000 IUs daily).

Enlisted Heavy Hitter:

I eventually ended up getting a clotrimazole cream which is just a regular antifungal cream you get at the drug store…not very natural, but I was forced to play dirty.

After about 4 days, things were getting much better and the pain was subsiding a bit (although I’m not sure if they could have gotten any worse...).  After about a week and a half, I was joyful that I was determined and stubborn enough to stick it through – my supply was coming back and things were becoming normal again.

I still occasionally have supply issues, but I think every mother should expect to go through that (if you never have this issue then, again, feel very blessed).

In my experience with thrush, I had to adjust numerous things to tackle the symptoms and the core of what was wrong – of course, I could have always quit breastfeeding. Even though that was the quickest and easiest solution, that was never an option for my daughter or myself.  

Now when I think of the horrific pain and the unpleasant experience, I think how it has the potential to help another mothers. A large part of me is grateful for the time I spent overcoming such a terrible obstacle – I’m glad I stuck it out AND WON!

Those that conquer, endure.

Resources about thrush:

www.llli.org/docs/481.pdf

http://www.llli.org/faq/thrush.html

http://askdrsears.com/topics/childhood-illnesses/thrush