And there are many, many, many paths; it is all the same one manifesting in different names, different faces, different forms.
All paths lead to the same result, as all religions have the same common denominator. Love.
Unconditional love is not selective or exclusive. Because we are one, how can we love this one more then that one? That is separation.
Living in devotion and love to each other will cause a transformation.
It is in devotion and in love that we will find everything.
Be grateful; be humble. Gratefulness is a state of openness that allows us to approach each other.
Devotion, love, giving – is our true nature. Why do we keep it bottled up?
Fear?
We must learn how to situate ourselves in the deepest part of the heart. Constantly drop to the deepest part of your heart, and from there live your life. And what is in the deepest part of your heart is your soul, and your soul is love.
Give love. Do not hold on to it.
The potential you have with love is so incredible, so unconditional, so selfless. It exists to give.
To me, death is a teacher whose wisdom and simplicity can be humbling. It seems humanity, as a whole, fears death, hides it away; however, death is inevitable.
This resistance to an inevitable part of nature brings a certain amount of pain and discomfort. Many people see death as the enemy.
Keeping death as a companion and teacher instead of an enemy may change priority and perspective.
Death can become a great teacher of life.
Petty arguments cease.
Forgiveness comes easy. Seeking forgiveness comes easy.
With death standing close to us we are reminded of what is most precious.
When the five senses are stilled,
that is the enlightening state.
When the timeless Self, beyond all perception, hidden in the cave of the heart,
leaves pain and pleasure far behind...
When the traveler who is intimate with Death but has yet to pass the mountain peak,
To yet experience the soul soar with unbound freedom,
I’ve attempted to write this story a few times and to be honest I’m not sure where to start. I feel like I should start from the beginning because it wasn’t just one day but it was such a journey.
I knew before I was pregnant that if I ever had to go through pregnancy, birth and labor again that it would be different. With my first child, I did what was expected and frankly I felt ripped off. I don’t blame anyone – but this time around would be different ….
There was no OB appointments, ultrasounds, blood tests, scary threats of scheduled c-sections or pressures to induce.
The first time I saw my daughter she looked at me with her beautiful blue eyes, so wide open to the world – it was important to me to give her that gift. I didn’t want her drugged up and I wanted to be fully present when she made her arrival.
Here is my story of a natural, homebirth.
Monday Morning 9/5 Labor Day (4 days past my due (guess) date)
Ironic, but yes, I started my labor on Labor Day.
It was about and I started feeling a few contractions laying in bed. There were a few and they would come about 7 minutes apart but then would fade away throughout the day. I pretty much just hung around the house that day with my husband and my 2 yr old daughter, Elizabeth. We went for a few walks around the block. I was anticipating something happening but it never did that night…
Tuesday Morning 9/6 (5 days past due date)
I stayed home from work on Tuesday. I had woke up again at with the same contractions, 7 minutes apart. I still got up and got ready for work – I am a creature of habit.
My husband woke up around and I told him that I think we might have a baby today. He looked at me unconvinced considering I was a week past my due date and I had been saying that for about a month now. I was surprised when he said he would stay home from work as well. It made everything a lot more real.
We went for a walk that morning with my daughter and the contractions hung around. Still coming every 7 minutes. I didn’t have to stop walking through them but they were definitely there. I felt happy that I knew my body was doing the work for me and I didn’t have to mentally drudge through terrible pain or anything like that yet. (though I never had to)
I called my midwife to tell her what was going on and to tell her she might be needed later.
That afternoon strolled around and still, 7 minutes apart. I intentionally tried to stay upright as much as possible and when ever I got a contraction I would lean against a wall or table and swing my hips back and forth. It wasn’t because I was in pain, but it helped me focus on the feeling of the contractions. It sounds insane but I enjoyed the intensity I was feeling. I wasn’t focusing on what was going to come or how, when, why, where…I just experienced it. I was trying to practice for when they did become more intense.
I took a shower and a nap and it felt nice. The contractions were definitely more challenging when I was laying down though.
I went outside to spend time with my husband and daughter who were out back washing and waxing my car. The fresh air was nice. The contractions now were demanding more of my attention. I would lean over the car and wouldn’t talk to anyone, swaying back and forth just breathing slowly and deeply.
I can’t recall what I had eaten that day, but I’m sure a grazed all day like I normally do.
I had been experiencing contractions all day – 7 minutes apart. They had become more demanding but did not change from that 7 minute timing.
Once 5 o clock rolled around my husband asked if I wanted him to call his mom to pick up Elizabeth. My midwife had mentioned that once Elizabeth was taken care of that things might go full swing. I told him to go ahead and call – I felt sad saying good-bye.
With Elizabeth gone, I lit some candles in the kitchen and was walking around the island, drinking water. My husband was on the couch watching TV and talking to me. Every time I would get a contraction I would stop, lean over the isle, sway back and forth and breath deeply.
It was nice. It was just me and Kory. It was dark in the house except for the light of the TV, a few candles and a lamp. The contractions were now coming about 5 minutes apart and I would catch myself moaning through them. They weren’t terrible, just intense at times.
I called my midwife. My husband told me that I should call – but I didn’t believe anything was going to happen anytime soon….i must have been in denial.
I thought I would take a break from walking and standing. For my next contraction, I had gone over to the couch and leaned over, with my knees on the floor and my arms over the seat-I had two contractions this way and it was a lot more intense. After the second one, I had told my husband I wasn’t sure how I was going to do this. I couldn’t imagine it getting anymore intense then it already was.
I went back to my safe spot in the kitchen where I had spent lesser intense contractions hoping that it would go back to that. Waiting for my midwife to arrive, for a short while the contractions weren’t as intense as the two I had in the living room…but that changed.
My husband asked if he should call the midwife again to let her know that things were picking up quicker then expected. She was on her way and I could hear her talking over the phone. She was giving him instructions in case she didn’t make it.
I had another contraction and it was rough to hold it together. I was worried. “Could it get worse?!”
The oddest thing about contractions is that they can be intense and take your entire attention, but once they are over it’s like any other day. I was back to normal, talking and walking around.
Luckily it didn’t get worse – that was the last contraction I felt that intensity. Instead, now I found myself in another predicament. I could feel the head down there. It must have descended, but I could definitely feel something I hadn’t before.
I didn’t feel like pushing… until I got another contraction.
I think I had two or three pushing contractions before my midwife arrived. Well, I didn’t have to push. I had the choice of feeling that intense craziness of a contraction ..or I found out if I pushed through them I became a part of the intensity instead of just experiencing it. It was out of this world.
Finally the midwife peels into the driveway.
I was still in my safe spot in the kitchen by the island. My midwife asks me if I want to go upstairs like I had planned. I asked if I could just lean over the couch. I couldn’t imagine going all the way upstairs into unfamiliar territory.
She started throwing down those large flat pads to protect the carpet and I had went ahead and de-pants. I had a sports bra on, but that’s it.
Now, the once intense couch position that I had avoided was my friend. I leaned over the couch and just pushed with the contraction. It felt perfectly right. After each pushing contraction my body gave me a break and I looked over at my husband, he was throwing on a pot of boiling water. I had no idea why he was doing this but I recall it was to the request of my midwife. (I later found out it was to warm the conpresses she used to protect me from tearing)
My midwife had to run out to the car, I didn’t know what for and I didn’t give to much attention to it. I just remember my husband saying, “I thought that was an old wive’s tale.”
I remember responding, “No, it’s just a midwives tale.”
I was telling jokes whilst pushing a baby out. It was neat.
Once she ran back inside-it was time.
The contractions came and I pushed. After a few I became pretty exhausted from giving my all. My husband was there with a wet cloth on my neck and rubbing my back and it felt heavenly.
Very soon I felt like I had accomplished something, I could feel the head down there but every time it would go back to where it was before. I imagine that’s normal so it can stretch everything out accordingly but it was still frustrating.
I pushed again, and then again and I was amazed – how big could this head be?!
Finally the head came out and I felt like I could take a nap. I pushed again, thinking the rest would just slip out.. that wasn’t the case. I had a few more pushes and then finally, I was done!
I flipped around and pulled the baby close. It was all slippery and warm. I remember seeing those eyes...just looking all over, studying everything going on.
The first words I said, “That was a lot of work.” Very matter-of-factly.
My midwife checked if I needed any stitches, but I didn’t any. We sat there for awhile waiting for the cord to stop pulsating and I breastfed a little.
We still didn’t know if the baby was a boy or girl. I had asked my husband to look but he insisted I take the first peek. I looked and looked at him. I told him it was another girlie!
I was so happy – I had my natural birth, my husband, my home, and my second little girlie and we were all healthy.
I took a long warm bath following while she got weighed and checked. We called my husband’s mom to bring Elizabeth back home. She was surprised how quick everything went.
I laid down in my bed with my little girls and my husband and there was nothing more needed.
"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience
in which you really stop and look fear in the face."
In celebration of my fabulous 30th birthday.... I bring to you the following bizarre statistics regarding the lovely age of 30.
The average person has had 7.5 jobs, and you'll have 2.4 more by age 35.
How does someone have a .5 job? Didn’t anyone teach this person to round up or down when it comes to people, places and things?
At age 30, you're older than 42 percent of Americans.
But I feel older then about 80% of the population, especially when someone brings up that damn JerseyShore show or if I attempt to listen to the radio…
You're 26 percent less likely to make a New Year's resolution in your 30s... but if you do make one, you're 26 percent more likely to stick to it.
Does anyone care about New Years resolutions except on actual New Years Eve and the week following?
45 percent will own a firearm in their 30s.
Probably because the majority now can’t whoop someone’s ass just by doing a reverse roundhouse to the face without either pulling a muscle or ripping their pants.
96 percent of gay people have realized they're gay by age 30.
I’m confused that there are people out there that are apparently attracted to the same sex, enjoy musicals and have no idea they are gay.
0.036 percent of people are in elementary school at age 30.
I wonder if this percentage changes state by state, for instance –West Virginia.
One out of 33 men and one out of 25 women are virgins at age 30.
Could be fair to say of this percentage, 90% is morbidly obese and can’t find his or her lady/male parts and will remain a virgin until death. (that's terrible, I know)
81 percent of women and 71 percent of men have been married by age 30 (and 16 percent of each have been divorced).
64% are still unhappily married
The most common way to die at age 30 is by accident.
Statistics are fun; 29 percent of people who die at age 30 die in an accident. It's followed by suicide at 12 percent, homicide and cancer tied at 10 percent, then heart disease at seven percent…unless you eat mcdonalds and taco bell more then twice a week…
30 is the average age of retirement for NFL players.
Ugh, I don’t like football anyways
The odds you'll make it to your late 30s are 99,003 out of 100,000, or 99.003 percent.
How fun to look forward to my late 30’s, yippie!!!
Nearly 2.5 million people in US die each year. Of those, over 60% of people die in hospitals. (Kochanek et al. 2004)
Do you expect to die in a hospital? How long do you expect to live?
Makes me think of the book Little Women. The one sister who has always been sickly finally passes on – she is lieing in bed, holdin onto her sister’s hand. They reminisce of their lives together and she difts softly into sleep and passes on.
If these sisters were here today in 2011, I’m sure the sickly sister would have lived a sicky, long life into her mid 80’s at least, found herself in a nursing home which she received sporactic visits from family now and again. She would be on several different medications that the nurses would be there to help her take. She would play cards and bingo with other residents. She would be given a bath by a 25 year old girl that could care less about her life and was wondering to herself if she is missing tweets from her BFF.
I have yet to experience someone close to me pass, but I have experienced suffering from family memebers in their old age. From Alzheimers, cancer, quadruple bypass surgery, dependency on pain medication, scary bacterial infections, knee replacements, lung surgery and limb removal…. It makes me want to ask …
When is it enough?
Say I find out I have cancer at the age of 60. I go through chemo and all the procedures that are entailed to get rid of it. Then 5 years later I start having the onset of Alzheimers or I find out that I have to have a kidney removed and live on dialisis for the rest of my life.
Which is worse? Dieing of cancer at age 60 or living with Alzheimers for the next 30 years…
I’m not sure where I am going with this.
I guess I am asking when does a person say, “I am no longer going to intervene with my mortality” ?
When I am going to let myself pass.
Many years ago, people didn’t have that choice. They died in wars, tragic events, or illnesses in which they had no cure for. But today, it seems that we have a medical procedure for everything – I pill or cure surgery that we can choose to take to make us live longer… maybe not better, but longer.
“I am choosing that I will not let AIDS kill me.So, I will take these 15 pills everyday of my life to keep me alive.”
“I am choosing that I will not let cancer kill me. So, I will have my right lung cut out and I will go through radiation until it is gone. I will no longer be able to walk up a flight of stairs, but I fought cancer and won.”
All these choices are empowering and we all have the right to choose to live – but when do we choose to let go? It is when our bodies are completely debilated, or when we no longer have the mental capacity to choose for ourselves?
What message are we sending to the next generation? You must always choose to live and never choose die – there is no reverence for death, only life?
Overall, there are two basic types of skin cream or lotion protection: sunscreens, which absorb and deflect (or reflect) the sun's rays via a chemical reaction, and "blocks"—zinc oxide and titanium dioxide—which create a physical barrier against rays.
Ingredients to Avoid:
• PABA: Though rarely used now in sunscreens, beware of products that contain the ingredient. Forty percent of the population is sensitive to it, experiencing red, itchy skin.
• Benzophenone (benzophenone-3), homosalate, and octy-methoxycinnamate (octinoxate): These chemicals are of more concern because they have shown estrogenic activity in lab tests. Dr. Margret Schlumpf of the University of Zurich's Institute of Pharmacology and Toxicology says they have been shown to disrupt hormones, affecting the development of the brain (particularly the hypothalamo-pituitary-gonadal system) and reproductive organs in laboratory rats. Because people are exposed simply by eating fish (where benzophenone accumulates in the fat), using sunscreen containing these chemicals unduly increases the exposure. Based on her studies, Dr. Schlumpf advises people avoid products containing benzophenone and the related chemicals above.
• Parabens (butyl-, ethyl-, methyl-, and propyl-): Parabens may also mimic estrogen, but because they are common in sunscreens, avoiding them may prove difficult.
• Padimate-O and Parsol 1789 (2-ethylhexyl-4-dimethylaminobenzoic acid and avobenzone): These two chemicals have the potential to damage DNA when illuminated with sunlight. On the skin's surface, these chemicals do protect from UV damage; however, once absorbed into the skin, these same chemicals can prove destructive. Dr. Knowland's research indicates that Padimate-O and Parsol 1789 "are excited by the UV energy which they absorb and become reactive, acquiring the potential to attack cellular components, including DNA." Knowland cautions that "DNA damage inflicted by an excited sunscreen is much less capable of being repaired by naturally occurring repair mechanisms than the DNA damage inflicted by UV alone."
Which Sunscreens Are The Safest?
Check out the online database that rates sunscreen safety and effectiveness, here.
This in-depth analysis of the safety and effectiveness of more than 700 name-brand sunscreens. The new database lists products that offer the best combination of safety and effectiveness: they are formulated with the safest chemicals, are most effective at protecting against sunburn, and help prevent long-term damage caused by the sun’s UVA rays, which are linked to skin aging, wrinkling and, potentially, cancer.
Best Overall Sunscreen goes to Purple Prairie this year for their SPF 30 Sun Stuff. They just reformulated their SPF 30 lotion and after trying it out I think this one is the best bang for your buck. It works in every sunny situation, doesn’t leave you looking ghostly and has a great ingredients list. Plus, your purchase supports small businesses. A little goes a long way and after testing it out in sun, surf and swimming pools I think it protects great minus the greasy. Double thumbs up.
Best Ingredients goes to Badger for all their sunscreens. Every year Badger sets the bar for safe ingredients and this year is no exception. It’s truly all natural and organic. They have also gone a step further to up the ante on their sunscreen ingredient and are now using non-nano uncoated Zinc Oxide. Badger’s sunscreen is a top performer in protection especially with rough or lengthy swimming. It’s the most water resistant sunscreen I’ve used and protects even after hearty swimming. Badger is always a safe bet. Totally worth the money, especially if you have swimmers.
I have written in the past on the benefits of cosleeping and the scientific evidence that supports the reasoning that in most cases it is the most beneficial arrangement to the child and family. (I say most, because if you’re a drug addict, smoker or obese then its probably not the best case scenario)
But today I wanted to share a little bit of why it works for me personally.
Looking Past the Immense Benefits of CoSleeping – The Reality of Why I Choose to Share My Bed….
Waking Elizabeth up in the morning
1. I Value My Sleep Immeasurably.
I tend to get about an average of 8 hours of sleep during the weekdays (please take into consideration that I even wake up at to veg around and get ready in the mornings!)
… During the weekend I get about 10 hours of sleep, remember I have a near 2 year old in the house.
I have no doubt in my mind that sleeping with my whole family has contributed to this sleep pattern.
In the early years, I never even had to get out of bed when Elizabeth was a baby. My husband would change her diaper and bring her back to me. I would feed her and we would both doze off to dream land. Those infamous horror stories I was warned about pre-birth never perpetuated into reality.
I kind-of actually look forward to nights with my new baby who is due in just a few short months…
Here is an short reference to show that I’m not blowing smoke up everyone’s, umm……
“Every scientific study concludes that parents who bring their babies to
bed sleep longer and better.” [1]
2. It Makes Being Super Mom Really Easy
So, sometimes Elizabeth will wake up from a dead sleep into a frantic stage of panic. These times are very far and few between but I imagine it’s from a bad dream (someone stole her favorite green boots) or maybe it is because of the pain from those molars coming in all at once… but less then 5 seconds will elapse and she is soundly back to sleep. Shoot, I’m not even sure my husband wakes up.
There’s not even time for me to rip my shirt open to show the ‘S’ on my chest before we’re all back snoring.
I attribute my ninja-like reflexes in soothing my little lady to being in such close proximity to her. I know if she was sleeping in the other room it would take at least a minute for me to get my groggy ass up in the middle of the night … this is not even taking in consideration that she would have to at least cry or scream out for a bit to wake me or my husband up.
I can’t imagine how that feels to a small child being left alone in a dark room by themselves when they are frightened or feeling lonely. I know most adults don’t want to be alone when they are terrified or lonesome.
What can say, I love the immediate response time that I have to sooth my child and plus it gets me back to sleep quicker!
Super Mom to the rescue!
3 Months Old, well rested mama
3. The Birth of a (Social) Butterfly
Let me preface this next reason with the reality that I personally have dealt with some real debilitating issues with anxiety in the past and my husband is not the most social individual on the planet. I can count both of our friends on one hand.
I do however try and set an example by greeting people when I walk into a room and of course giving my thanks when someone holds a door open for me. I do not, however, tell me daughter to say hello or thank you (since I feel she can say hello or thanks if she genuinely feels like it).
With that being said…
I see my daughter and it amazes me. She says hello and greets every single person we walk by at the grocery store, she says hello to the cars that drive by outside our house, she greets strangers like close friends. She has the confidence and self esteem of 50 adults.
I’ve read many, many studies proclaiming confidence and independence in young children that cosleep, but I am now fully entrenched with the fall out.
It’s amazing and it truly blows me away.
Here’s another short reference that I am evoked to share here:
“Children who share sleep with their parents are actually more independentthan their peers. They perform better in school, have higher self esteem,
and fewer health problems.” [1]
4. Shhh, listen… I Think God is Talking.
I get vast satisfaction in listening to my daughter breathe at night and share in her warmth (she’s like a mini oven). I’m not sure if I need to go further in explanation here, but her breath and warmth is the closest I come to the Divine every day.
When I wake up in the middle of the night and I can’t go back to sleep right away, I lay there, snuggle close and listen.
What I hear and feel I cannot explain in words.
I am grateful to experience this while I can.
Happy Family of 4 (soon-to-be)
5. Unless I’m Over 50, The Bed is Not The Only Place For A Fun Time.
(no offense for people over 50)
Many people presume that because there is a child that sleeps in our bed that means that me and my husband don’t get to be intimate. I’m not going to get into too much detail here because I’m a lady and I don’t kiss and tell.
But if you didn’t catch on yet – I’m pregnant again…. So we haven’t had any issues in that department….
In fact, I feel that it is unfortunate that many people are only having relations in their bed. There are many other fun places to take part in the fun.
Jennifer Coburn is the author of Take Back Your Power: A Working Woman's Response to Sexual Harassment, which recently won an honorable mention from the National Women's HeritageMuseum book awards and an Outstanding Book Award from the MyersCenter for the Study of Human Rights in North America.
Here are some other articles on cosleeping that I enjoy.
