I would like to preface this by sending out many thanks to Mike Beers for contributing this to my week of honoring the fathers and husbands in our conscious parenting community! I’ve been blessed to dialogue with Mike for several months now. Although I have not met him in person, I can say that he has influenced my choices for the better and I am a more informed mother, a better wife and a more compassionate person because of his influence. Thank you Mike!
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I’m an opinionated, sarcastic, geeky, imperfect attachment daddy. My wife and I have a 3.5 year old daughter. I' ve learned a lot, and followed my gut a lot in the way I have parented. Coming to the conclusion and acting as an attachment parent comes easy for me. I love my daughter more than anything. I couldn' t fathom hitting her or yelling at her out of my own frustration with her developing mind.
Biggest Challenge of Attachment Parenting
I want to be around her constantly, but I also want to accomplish things. Accomplishing things, while tending to my daughter' s needs, is not always easy.
Then, there are the small but meaningful differences in opinion between my wife and me. I try to be supportive of her, but sometimes we have a different opinions and priorities of how things should be handled. I' m definitely learning more every day on how to better balance the parenting and the marriage. Luckily, we have the same goals.
I think support is the most important thing in an attachment parenting family. That has included defending each other to extended family. For example, we skipped Christmas with one side of extended family because I was asked prior to the party if my wife could nurse our one year old in another room. If we are all family, we should not be shunning family behavior like that.
The attachment parenting road is not always an easy one. Ties to people I thought I would always be close with have been broken or damaged, because I learned things about myself along the way that they didn' t agree with.
In the end, for me anyway, it is all worth it. I can' t imagine being happier by placating others. Being true to my instincts and to my wife and daughter has made me the happiest, and I' ll continue to do that. No matter what obstacles I may come across.
Mike lives in Michigan
Great post Mike!!!! I loved it!!! So sorry someone trued to shame your wife by hiding her. Proud of you for standing up for her. I am sure that felt aamzing!
ReplyDeleteThanks! I don't know that it felt amazing. I mean it feels good to stand up for what's right. But, it sucks to get that phone call asking for that. It was like, "really?". Gotta do what you gotta do though.
DeleteHow was that strong answer of "we'll just stay home" taken?! I hope it changed minds. Good for you both!
DeleteI gave him the whole shpeel about it not being right to send my family in another room to eat while everyone else gets to sit around the table and eat freely. That it's unfortunate that other people (I believe it wasn't him that was uncomfortable, but other family asking him to take care of the 'problem') feel so awkward around a woman using her breasts as they are intended to be used. That breasts have been oversexualized in this country too much. He said something along the lines of "oh no, it's not like that". I don't know how it was taken, if he mentioned it to anyone else. I do know that we used to go to that house quite often, and now do very rarely. It's a shame, but that's the way it goes sometimes.
DeleteThat phone call.... I mean, seriously? Who has that kind of nerve to call ahead on that? Oh well, saved you the trip I guess.
ReplyDeleteI can't imagine having the nerve to ask that in advance. At least it saved you the trip, which would have only resulted in you guys being treated like crap in person.
ReplyDeleteI love that you stood by your wife on this, Mike! So many men don't, seeing it as the mother's issue. We need more of you (more of everyone!) to speak out against that kind of thing.
ReplyDeleteThanks Kendra. It certainly helps to see eye to eye with her on the issue. :)
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